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Black Hole

Some days, I am most definitely the problem when it comes to getting things to work. Today, however, it’s the technology that’s failing me, and I can’t get it to work. That means I have to contact someone’s crappy Support System and on the Saturday before the Bank Holiday with the most important Boxing match for ages on PPV tonight?

Fat fucking chance is what I say.

This means there will be muttering in the week, which is a shame because this is the most awake I’ve been since about last Wednesday.

Twas ever thus :(

However I refuse to stifle the creativity, so I’ll be off to faff elsewhere instead :D

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Patience

… has never been a strength of mine, particularly in those times of my hormonal cycle that accompany the arrival of the decorators ^^ Age has not helped this process either, it must be said, but once upon a time I’d not even consider sharing this with anyone to begin with. My outlook has mellowed considerably in the last decade, and if I have to go though this living hell once a month, I’m feeling less guilty now about dragging people along for the ride.

Anyway, menstruating reduces me (I’d say about one month in three) to an emotional ball of mush. This explains my reaction to an event yesterday I’d have probably walked away from and then returned to with far more dispassionate reflection, had I been able to predict that I was going to start bleeding within 24 hours. I used to be able to time eggs (unintentional pun) by my precision in cycle but now, as I hurtle inevitably towards menopausal DOOM it’s anybody’s guess what my body is up to on any given day. Men, honestly, however horribly emancipated you may feel at any given point in your lives just be grateful you never have to menstruate EVER. 

Anyway, I digress.

Thanks to hormonal imbalance I am fucked off with the notion that people on the Internet are

a) not allowed their opinion if it deviates from anybody else’s and,
b) Stating an opinion is now an excuse to open up a can of whupass on anyone you might pass JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH to do so.

It has come down to having to control EVERYTHING online to a point where you you can’t have a Forum without a moderator, you can’t post a Blog without Guidlines for response or indeed you can’t even open your mouth without someone jumping down your throat. I’ve just watched a fight on a popular ‘Guide’ site that frankly has made me laugh at the stupidity of the crux. What’s it about today? Taking pictures of your character online with an in-game camera.

There’s probably a line about meta relevancy here somewhere, but that’s not the point.

When someone makes an effort to produce something that other people believe is worthwhile, and if all you want to do is destroy it, you need professional help. You are sad and small and pathetic and frankly require your parents to take all of your electronic devices away forever. I know some of you people’s parents are in their 90’s now, but that’s not the point. This is not how to live your life. You should have been taught respect and moderation.

The World is in a whole lot of trouble right now, if you didn’t know it already.

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Evolution

Some days, it is hard being what I am. I failed at Mum today with some style, and I struggled to organise myself sufficiently to get any of the things complete I wanted. However, I did write three pretty decent posts on the Gaming site, but on reflection at least one could have been held back a day. My enthusiasm to share is beginning to impede my progress, and that’s a worry. Ironically, my fiction has refused to materialise with any kind of consistency, but I did at least make some progress on that front. From nothing, I now have 2000 words to play with.

It is at least a start.

The last week have been really hard on my personal space. I’m struggling to maintain a cohesion on anything, and even with lots of RL distraction I’m tired and irritable. I’ve seen a lot of stuff happen in my social media sphere that’s upset me far more than it really should, and friends have reminded me that I can’t change everything and I shouldn’t react to every criticism I get. They’re right, of course, but I forget stuff quite easily when working on half decent night’s sleep. Really, I could do with a Holiday, but I won’t get one until August.

Mostly, I’m in that part of the month where hormones undermine my ability to be confident in anything I do, and I just want to go and hide in a corner, except I can’t, because you know, LIFE.

Mostly I just want to eat crap and undo about 74 days worth of good work. But I won’t.

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Politics

We have a General Election here in the UK imminently, with voting next Thursday (7th May) Today, I spied on my way to School to pick up the youngest our local MP giving away balloons to kids as they came out of the gates.

Needless to say, I didn’t vote for him last time, and I won’t be doing so any time soon.

I knew there was a better than average chance he’d come and offer one, as I watched him pass over ‘gifts’ to kids ahead of us. When we met us, my daughter politely refused, and explained to me as we walked away that offering people free things was not the way to get them to like you.

I REALLY hope Mr David Amess heard her, because the time for real change needs to come very soon, and if you really think this represents a good use of your Campaign budget, we need someone else in power pretty damn sharpish. Also, helium is a non-renewable gas, and you lot wasting it like this? NOT IMPRESSED.

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Ground Zero

A number of RL things have become pressing to the point where I cannot in good conscience ignore them any more. The problem with life, inevitably, is that it has no respect for your ability to be organised or have a long-term direction. What this does mean is that sitting down in front of a computer becomes increasingly less attractive, which does not make for progress when words are involved.

What I want to do, and something I will attempt to instigate in the week, is a more efficient form for my writing, insofar as I will try my utmost to schedule more and procrastinate less. This will work for some places better than others, however.

For now however I have to move the contents of my youngest’s room from where it is to the lounge in anticipation of a complete redecoration next weekend. Because we like to do stuff sometimes on the spur of the moment, honest ^^

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Difficult

A hello to the new people here, as I know there are a few. If you’ll expecting commentary, you’ll get it, except not right now.

Today was one of those that started badly and got progressively worse as time went on, hit the lowest point possible and then went back up again. However, I am now sitting here with a not inconsequential bowl of Chinese food and feeling a lot better than I have for a while. Food is not always the answer, but after a couple of days like wot I’ve had, it bloody well helps.

Now all I need is a bucket of tea and sanity will be restored.

Roll on the weekend.