Do I Do

WordPress have introduced an upgrade to their editing pane. Whether I like this or not remains to be seen: a user can still edit raw HTML, so that’s fine, and we’ll see how it goes as time goes on. However, I’m not here to complain about change [inevitable, unstoppable] but how I react to it. Right, how does one stick a horizontal rule in now…?

[EDIT: The new Editor won’t let me specify Twitter posting options. Until it does? We’ll stick with actual flexibility and not showy cleverness :D]


Witness the Fitness

I weighed myself yesterday on the home scales, which has not happened since mid-October. Part of the plan was to get myself out of the daily habit of micromanaging rise and fall, and that’s worked really well. In 25 days, I’ve lost no weight. I’ve not gained any either, which should be the bigger takeaway, but what has happened is a fairly drastic alteration of body shape.

So, tomorrow I’m gonna go do the bio-metric weight scale at the Gym, which will show a weight gain, as there is considerably more muscle than fat on me right now. The problem, going forward, is how the latter gets shifted from areas it has been stuck to for the last 18 years. The current health regime will have an effect, it already is. I haven’t ached this much for at least a year.

Five times a week on the bike as well as PT was doable for a few months last year before the arm was injured and it all fell apart. HOPEFULLY the same problem won’t present this year, though there have been a number of unexpected aches and trapped nerves as muscles grow beyond their normal dimensions. The key of course, is to make sure there is rest (Saturdays has no exercise at all, I’ll probably skip Gym training Tuesdays too after PT which now happens on Monday.

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Time to stop typing and get on with it, then.

Dead Calm

RIP my Mac Mini, late year model which, after many, MANY hours of sterling service has become a rather lovely paperweight or table stand. Fortunately, there’s a replacement on the way with everything backed up. I’ve also bitten the bullet and factory reset my phone, which reminded me it is high time I sorted life out and dumped it for good. Therefore, after some faffing, I have a Huawei Mate 20 Pro coming from my mobile  provider which is currently cheaper than my current contract.

The photographer in me will finally have a decent camera to play with.

Also, today was the day when none of the actual work I wanted to do was completed but a whole lot of other stuff was settled. It’s a fairly massive plan, which is gonna be done on as little money as possible. The final upside is that I can design my own custom-made desk. It will double my storage space here, and finally allow the background required to start doing video diaries. That’s the long term plan, but to get there first is a lot of other work.

The point however is, that after a decade, I am finally moving on from the period of my life that almost killed me.

Games Without Frontiers

I’m getting tired of this. It happens everywhere. People are lazy, and especially when online if you want attention, honestly doesn’t work. The way to get your Tweet noticed is to make it more controversial than it really is. As it happens, this article’s quite interesting: people are challenging convention. You don’t need to have all your limbs or look like an athlete to be a personal trainer. It doesn’t matter about your religion or your dress size. That’s far less dehumanising than leading with ‘fat people’ but hey, whoever was scheduling the weekend tweets for The Guardian’s clearly past caring.

This shit should matter, and it never does.

Last night, someone tweeted this into my timeline. Now it’s been deleted, I have to tell you that the person running the I L0VE the 80’s account clearly got a bit annoyed about last night’s Doctor Who (which was set during the partition of India in the 1940’s) and decided to make his own comment using a picture of Tom Baker. ‘His’ Doctor, he told us, would fight Cybermen and Daleks, and not social justice issues. The responses that followed were, it must be said, not unsurprising, and came from both sides of the current spectrum of reaction to a woman, doing a traditionally man’s job.

This however, wasn’t controversy. I genuinely believe this was anger in response to the alteration of an institution that’s remained staunchly male for over 50 years. This wasn’t in an attempt to generate interest for the account either, it was using a platform that has 196k followers to make a political statement.  I suspect the reactions that were garnered were enough to make him delete the tweet. They were certainly enough for him to block a number of respondees. It is perfectly acceptable to hold a differing opinion to others, but if you choose to share it? Yes, there will be consequences.

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Everybody posts stuff they regret, it is a symptom of modern life, and I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve done the same. However, that doesn’t happen now (except for the occasional typo correction when I’m using a Tweet to start a Thread or as a daily entry to a Thread.) I will no longer get involved in arguments before there’s been at least one cup of tea consumed, and often I just won’t bother at all. Undoubtedly, the best lesson ever learnt in the last seven years is knowing when to keep my mouth shut. Both of these things yesterday were commented on, because this is the kind of shit nobody needs and is of no help long term.

Most of the problems in the World could be solved with better communication, and yet people still don’t think beyond the sensational or confrontational to make their points. It’s not hard to be smart.

Really, you don’t have to show the World how you feel all the time.

Airbag

This morning, for the first time in memory, I said what needed to come out of my brain in the exact right order, and with totally the correct cadence. This is of course patently untrue, there will have been countless times before when this took place. The crucial difference between those and here is that, after an extremely long period of being mentally uncertain of what is right and wrong, the dice have begun to consistently fall in my favour.

I went out yesterday, and although you could not call have considered me sparkling company, there was participation, interaction and only one fuck up. It was, all things considered, exactly what was needed after a week which culminated in total sensory disconnection. Lying in bed on Friday night, I was numb. It’s still a bit intermittent today, truth be told, but a definite improvement from where things were. The only casualty, such as it is, has been my NaNoWriMo, which is about three days behind schedule. That is eminently doable, should I choose to do so.

Right now, I’m in two minds as to whether to continue or not.

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There’s an awful lot in my brain that is unsorted right now, looking for a home. Things that used to sit in one place no longer belong there: space needs to be made to accommodate various shifts in attitude and outlook. There is also new space that could be filled, or might yet be better served being left vacant and unused as yet. One of my biggest issues is the constant creation of things to keep me occupied, when actually it might be a smarter idea just to allow silence and space an opportunity to breathe and settle.

That’s why it’s decided that if I wake up tomorrow and want to carry on with Taeken, I will, but today is not when I make that decision. Sunday will be for badminton, remembering the Fallen, sorting out desk chaos, organising laundry, clearing up the outstanding content for web pages and generally not stressing. There is likely to be a walk too, some new playlist creation, and a bit of self-care… but no pressure. That’s the key right now: I don’t need any more on the plate.

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Yup, this is a crossroads, and as it happens the path forward’s not in question. What does need to be sorted is my internal disaster preparedness kit, which after due thought and consideration is woefully unfit for purpose.

That out of date attitude is going to need to be thrown away for a start.

That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore

Technology is a harsh mistress, as I have found to my cost on many occasions. How you deal with it, what it means to others, and ultimately how it is learning to deal with us can be tough to grasp. Someone linked this to me this morning, remarking how amusing they found it. I’ve watched it four times, and only now grasp why.

Why we laugh is an extremely subjective set of variables. Often we do so just to fit into the social situation that we’re placed in, and certain actions will be hilarious to one person and offensive to someone else (see setting fire to bonfire effigies earlier this week.) ‘Funny’ for me has always been a tough ask, especially on days when the ASD brain just sees things for what they are, and is unable to either assign subtlety, meaning  or depth. Things like this video are particularly difficult to fathom. After all, the computer is doing is using an algorithm to place the most popular posts by likes and views in a certain order.

Is this funny because there’s only one friend, or are you laughing in relief relief that this car crash of a life isn’t ours?

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This week has also highlighted a gulf in empathy and understanding between quite a few groups of people. It’s made me aware of how others form relationships in cyberspace, in a manner that has never really clicked before. For that I have a YouTuber to thank, linked by a mutual Twitter person on the back of the massive row over a video game being launched as a mobile game. I don’t normally allow my lives to overlap, but in this case it’s a pretty significant revelation, that rolls over into everyday existence.

This is a concept that I grasped a couple of years ago, shortly before realising that the future was not attempting to become something that I was never happily going to be. It is particularly difficult to be critical of an organisation when your friends love it so much that they went to work for them, but in the last week it has been hard not to feel a sense of disappointment. It most definitely isn’t my friends who’ve made me feel like that: all of them are hardworking, dedicated and singularly driven individuals. It is the company they work for who should be criticised, because as this entire debacle has moved on, nobody involved in PR and senior management has covered themselves or the brand in glory.

It really came home for me when I made a joke about the new Samsung phone, which folds out to become a small tablet: could this be a good thing to play Diablo on? When you laugh at the expense of other’s reprehensible behaviour, you become no better than they are. Then there has to be pause, and reconsideration of what matters. In Blizzard’s latest earning’s call, it was made abundantly apparent every Blizzard IP will have a mobile game in the future, and that microtransactions will feature. There’s no hiding the fact that what matters isn’t gaming as a lifestyle choice, but as a continuous means to make money,  from Blizzard’s gaming ‘family.’

Mobile gaming allows that earnings generation to be opened up to a wider demographic.

The quote from senior management in TB’s video is horribly telling, and uses language that makes me cringe: of course, most people don’t care, aren’t interested or (as I’ve discovered this week) are more likely to start muting or blocking people who continue to rant and rave about these events than take time to look at the bigger implications. For me, actually… this is funny. Not roll about on the floor amusing, but ironic and perhaps inevitable in it’s stupidity. I know many gamers who can’t laugh about themselves when a mirror is held up to their quirks and foibles. Far too many people take themselves too seriously, and that’s where I’m now drawing a line.

This is not life and death. This is not saving the planet or improving other people’s existences. It is a bunch of blinkered individuals who are obsessed with what they want from their time on this planet, which matters more long term than any real social enrichment. However, if this highlights the fact that Blizzard is not a person then the whole thing will be worth the trauma, because maybe that will allow other people an opportunity to take a step back from obsessive behaviour and see the World for what it really is.

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I’ve got a lot to think about going forward, especially in reference to how I deal with those people for whom such principles effectively overtake everything else, including common sense and reason. Personally, the last seven days have proven that whether I like it or not, some people just can’t grasp appropriate reactions to certain situations. Maybe they’ve never been taught, or perhaps they are so entitled they don’t see the problem. It’s not funny any more, it is sad and ultimately enough for me to walk away from people who, in some cases, I held real respect for.

If these people were as a tenth as passionate about saving the Planet or changing social injustice as they are about a bunch of pixels, think what might actually get done.

This is the Day

Right then. Found a new hairdresser that I’m happy with. She worked miracles on the youngest, and next week (hopefully) will do the same for me. Badminton courts are booked for the next ten days. I have a Blaze class next Thursday, and my PT will now be on Monday to accommodate this. This has taken three weeks of domestic upheaval to organise, but now? It is done.

I’m beginning to stop to self-care more, too. The benefits this gives to just being better organised and aware is enormous. That also means making myself more accountable too, sticking myself out into the world regardless of what is going on in my head. Sometimes, it is about pushing past tiredness and discomfort, trying to fundamentally alter how things get done. These are inevitably the days when stuff really does change for the better.

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I’m back on Instagram as a sort of acknowledgement that there needs to be a place like this for stuff other than art and poetry projects. The problem now, of course, is getting myself back to posting on it regularly: plan is for this month to post my haiku there, and then start doing a second post of ‘background’ to how my day works. If that can be done for 21 days, it is supposed to be habit forming. It’s really hard to do this at present. Most of the time, I don’t want to talk about or photograph the personal details.

In that regard, this is a good process to force myself into.

View this post on Instagram

Body today was VERY specific about post PT food.

A post shared by Sarah Reeson (@internetofwords) on

Don’t expect anything flash or fancy. I’m not here to try and aggressively build a massive fan-base. In fact, if that happened there’d undoubtedly be mass panic followed by hasty retreat. This is a careful, subtle redefinition of how work gets done and so far, I am very pleased with progress, regardless of stones thrown.

Yeah, this is good.

Long may this continue.

Go Up

Yesterday was a bit shit, but everything is fine now.


So, Attenborough is kopping flack today because he recognises what he does is entertain first and inform second and his new show won’t sex up the terrible stuff that’s happening to the planet. He sees his work as an antidote to the bad shit, and shouldn’t add to it. I absolutely get that, and honestly if you wanna condemn people for not being honest, this is not your target. He’s easy and high profile and the Guardian should know better. Except, more and more in our lives there are conflicts of interest.

When you’re only given a ‘Like’ button as a response, how does one highlight stupidity and wrongdoing?

You don’t attack those who have consistently highlighted the goodness in the world for not doing enough, that’s for damn sure. You look at those who are supposed to tell us the truth but decide to lie, plead ignorance or blame others. You find better things to make news about. It’s not like there no newsworthy stuff out there to begin with, guys. Pick one from hundreds of low-hanging fruit, but leave the stuff that’s done no wrong alone, and don’t make him look like an idiot when he’s doing a pretty decent job to begin with.

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I used to subscribe to New Scientist. My dad had read it for years, and for the time I was subbed the quality of content was interesting, but not stellar. I didn’t resubscribe, and despite my best efforts to remove myself from their mailing list, they keep sending me shit. Today, however, I will be making sure not only they stop sending me things I don’t want, but that I strongly disapprove of the people they choose to take money from.

I’ve had reservations since the NS Twitter feed did a series of tweets highlighting aspects of a particular petroleum company’s business, sponsored by that exact same company. That’s not how impartial journalism works, guys, you can’t get away with that stuff without someone raising an eyebrow. Then, some frankly amazing marketing gumpf appears in my inbox. The killer is that this company, who support NS’s ‘journalism’ thinks I’d even want to be sold investment opportunities.

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At the bottom of the advert trying to make timeshares in the UAE sound like how we could all save mankind, there’s the killer legal jargon: ‘any dissemination, distribution, copying or other use of this message or any of its content by any person other than the Intended Recipient may constitute a breach of civil or criminal law and is strictly prohibited.’ I’m now going to spend the time to ensure that NS don’t have any of my details left on file, and that there’s no chance they can send me targeted mail ever again. I don’t want your version of truth anywhere near me, thank you very much.

I’d also like a Dislike button on Twitter as a matter of some import.