Hope for the Future

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I didn’t get my mentorship. It wasn’t a surprise. In good news, they sent the e-mail nice and early, so I didn’t have to stress about it all day. Not that I would have, of course, because I already know how this is going to pan out.


What mattered more this morning was bettering my own standard.

I woke up at 7am with a mission.

I’d written an essay for today’s Internet of Words site that, frankly, I was less than enamoured with, far too similar in tone and outlook to the one produced a week before. I realise now that what works best in my four week format is a general essay on the book, and then a more detailed assessment of a portion of the subject matter, but seen through a wider lens. I have tried since the weekend to get a handle on what that view would encapsulate, and yesterday morning it came to me: time travel. So this morning I’ve taken a day’s worth of notes and a week’s worth of general research and produced something new pretty much from scratch. I’ve yet to do my re-read but honestly, I already know it is 1000% better than what I started with.

Today therefore is a resounding success, because I didn’t just stick with what was good. I created something better.


don'fuckthisupdaniel

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Talking of creating something better… Bond 25 had better not be Diamonds are Forever or Die Another Day.

PLEASE DON’T FUCK THIS UP, SQUIRE.


Last night, the Real World crashed the party on Social media, and today lots of people will be REALLY cross. Be nice, and accommodate discussion. If your mental health won’t support remaining in public places, leaving’s perfectly fine. There’s plenty of us left to give the alt right, extremists and anyone else with stupidity running through their veins a run for their money. A smart person might even consider capitalising on current events.

I think I’d pay good money to see that happen.

Who’s Fooling Who

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It has been a while since I woke up feeling unwell. I can blame the weather 100% for this: we’re in the last thrashing throws of pollen and spores before Nature shuts down for the year, meaning I woke up wheezing at 5am and was grateful a new inhaler was bought last week. However, I would be lying if there wasn’t an admission that mentally a break would be great: there’s only two more days to wait. After that, it’s not long before the school cycle begins again, and I can return to some semblance of normality.

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I have much I want to do going forward, and now all of the various intentions are public it is a case of organising means by which this can all take place. There’s a new poetry contest to start considering an entry for, necessary preparation work required for NaNoWriMo coming up in November… and then National Poetry day in September. Mostly, life is now more planning to ensure a smooth transition from stage to stage than has ever existed before, and I really couldn’t be happier.

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Today therefore is an awful lot of Zen thinking, backed up with a shittonne of hard work. Hopefully, I’ll feel well enough by the afternoon to go to the Gym, and get some exercise in, and make this as close to a ‘normal’ day as possible.

Get Off

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I’m not sure exactly when it happened, but I can now state I’m loving the mountain bike.

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The thing about exercise is that it is addictive, but not in a way I’d recognise from previous flirtations with obsession. Yesterday was a glorious Sunday afternoon, out on the 2012 Olympic Mountain-biking track built just down the road from us. There’s impressive views of the Estuary, some absolutely bonkers mental downward runs, and a sense that when this country bid on the Legacy Olympics ticket, they really meant to inspire future generations and not just line the pockets of the already rich. In fact yesterday reminded me of what a thoroughly amazing place this town is to live in.

Yesterday also made me realise that FUCK ME LOOK I HAVE TRICEPS. The sun-cream makes arms all shiny, I know, but seriously people… MUSCLES!11!1!!1 I can now hang comfortably for 20 seconds on the monkey bars, once I hit 30 then its time to start considering how pull ups fit into my exercise routine. Monday PT today is the last for a week, and I won’t be exercising in the Gym after Wednesday for at least a week. This means doing workouts where its just my body as resistance: squats, push ups and probably some running. The seafront where we’ll be staying is lovely and flat: I’m sure I could do something with that. In fact, I think it will be time to start exercising outside.

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Today’s liberating start will be part of a week where lots of stuff ends up, I suspect, a massive disappointment. I’m confident I’ll fail to get a Mentorship I applied for, that the poetry contest I entered will show me not as winner or indeed worthy of notable mention. However, unless I keep applying for this stuff, I’ll never move forward as a writer. Failure is a very important part of the writing process. It gives me incentive to move forward, keep trying, and not lose hope. All these things matter too. You just need a sense of proportion, and understanding that if the momentum remains forward, then that’s better than nothing.

You just need to keep moving, and never stop.

A New Day

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I’m using the same blog title in two places today, because last night I finally reconciled how the relaxation portion of my life is going to play out going forward. For about two years I was tied to a responsibility that, having now been released, I understand was effectively strangling my love of gaming. Now that is no longer a consideration going forward? It is high time to reorganise that side of my existence, in the same way I have with everything else. It has helped greatly that I’ve had people to talk to who understand my peculiar situation. It is also really helpful that relaxation is not simply via one means any more. Previously, escaping to gaming was all there was… now, that’s not the case.

I have a new hobby 👍🚴‍♀️💪

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I’ve wanted a mountain bike for some time now, because they’re simply more robust than the road bikes my husband seems to love. Having ridden this yesterday I am already happier than I have been for many, many months: it is not only built for a female body, it is incredibly easy to manoeuvrer and direct. What this gives me is a bike I feel comfortable riding to and from the shops, that I can do some road work without panicking, and that is 100% mine. We’d considered an old style upright, but honestly I’d rather have a backpack on than a basket… unless I get to the stage where a three wheeled bike with a massive front container is available. That’s a long way off, and I’ll need an awful lot more strength and stamina if I’m going to pull that off.

If you’d have told me a decade ago I’d have said I enjoy cycling, I’d have laughed at you.

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There is an awful lot of shit going on in the world I have absolutely no influence in changing, so it is high time I focused on what can be done, and do a fucking good job of it. That means getting strong, mobile and finding a voice.

This seems like a good place to start.

No One Knows

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Hey, it’s Saturday. I’m first up, even though I could stay in bed, and after this cuppa I’m walking to the Gym. I’d love to say I have some amazing glob of wisdom to impart before I leave but I’m just keen to go exercise and then relax with a green tea in the Bar. In fact, if I’m honest, there’s nothing much bothering me at all today. I know what needs to be done, have a list of things to finish, but apart from that I am comfortable, relaxed and happy.

So, if you will excuse me, I’ll be getting on with my day.

Quiet Life

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Is this what it’s like to be normal?

Yesterday, I went shopping and bought a lovely military style jacket. I had a burger for lunch and cake for dinner. Today, I went for a haircut, and did some PT, and didn’t worry about nuclear winters or stupidity or anything really significant. I saw someone do something REALLY stupid in public and wrote a letter telling her employers that this wasn’t very sensible. I got up to date on chores, and remembered that my body actually looks good. There was, and still is, minimal stress. I’ve had a really good day.

Then I remembered why this doesn’t happen nearly as much as it should do. There’s a group of people who mean well, and are really lovely, but they complain too much. They’re grumpy and antagonistic and think that the only way stuff changes is if they say so. They pronounce opinion with the arrogance that only comes when nobody can tell them they’re wrong. A lot of these people, sadly, are gamers. I wish they weren’t but there you have it.

People told me I couldn’t better myself. I was stupid trying to start my own business. I’d not be a weightlifter in my 50’s. Why was I doing all this? Well, that’s obvious, this is an entirely self generated exercise in attention seeking and I’m going to fail. Well, guess what? I don’t care how many times that happens because when it does I just pick myself up and try harder. When I do try, remarkable things happen, and my life gets better. The less I listen to bigoted, narrow minded cockwombles, the more amazing my confidence becomes.

You’re on this earth for a stupidly short space of time. Some stuff you can do nothing about, so focus on the achievable, not the ridiculous. You don’t have to do it all, just the stuff that makes you happy. If you don’t know what that is?

Go and find out.