This is It

I walked to the Gym this morning for the first time in a while: pavements were slippery and required some thought, sky was the Winter Blue of post-storm optimism, and my hip and back were not happy. However, after an hour of exercise, and some heavy weights, things have definitely improved. It has taken a few days to grasp the transformation that has taken place since August: it is also apparent that to make the next step forward, it will be diet that has to change.

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On considered research, I’m going to replace lunch every day with a Huel shake. This will continue to provide a protein hit, but reduce my normal food intake (hopefully) enough to kick-start the fat burning processes. This also appeases that part of me which knows only too well that to save the planet I need to be eating less meat and more plants. I’ve enough cash left after Christmas to afford 4 week’s supply, which means January’s food intake is sorted.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

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It was genuinely scary getting on the scales on Friday. I’ll do it again after Christmas, but not before. Food logging’s about to get very serious indeed, because to lose what needs to vanish, there’s gotta be a whole lotta hard work. I’m ready for all this.

This has become the most unexpected of transformations.

Christmas Love

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Ten days to go. This weekend, I can knock off the last things that need to be done (cards, gifts) and then it is downhill until the big day. That includes finishing that editing job on the Novella which, all things being equal, should be done by the end of next week. Then, we can move onto short stories across the Christmas period. Son has to work until Friday, husband Thursday and daughter on Wednesday. It’s only just above freezing outside.

I need a day to get myself sorted mentally, then everything can be shoved back in its place.

Comfortably Numb

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There’s a lot of other shit going down today but honestly, this is the bit that matters most. My weight issues aren’t fat. I’ve gained nearly 6kg (thirteen pounds) of muscle mass. All that eating protein works.

I’ll be back tomorrow. For now, it’s probably time for a healthy snack.

Down Down

Weight, inexorably, is falling. Undoubtedly the second Blaze class will help, with understanding that if this weight is going to be shifted, I will have to sweat like something that sweats a very great deal to do so. As a result of yesterday however, this is becoming increasingly less of a problem.

The classes have become a complement to the normal weights and running, which means now that a) this is using my membership to its natural limit and b) it provides individually-led exercise three times a week. I’ve not cycled for nearly a fortnight at home, however, and that will end up being added to the schedule properly over Christmas. The plan, such as it is right now, is to keep stuff ticking over as much as possible across a range of activities.

If that keeps happening, presumably thinner will then occur in due course.

It’s bloody hard work, that much is obvious. However, there’s method in all of this madness.

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The whole point of Blaze, like it or not, is to shove you up to the Red Zone in terms of heart-rate. Zwift Running conveniently provides me with zonal indicators too: to be burning fat, the more time spent in green and yellow the better, where orange and red allow that fat burn to take place after I’ve stopped exercising. Therefore, anything in green and above = progress. After Zwift tomorrow we’ll take a look at the numbers, and weight on the Gym’s bio-metric scale will be taken on Friday.

YES, THIS IS HAPPENING.

The Name Remains the Same

This week’s already a bit odd, thanks to the addition of a second Blaze class (more on that post tomorrow) and a change in the editing plans. There’s still #Blogmas to knock off, but that will have to happen much later today due to PT being the latest I’ve ever had it. Body right now is on the shift again, and if the temptation to snack continually can be addressed as the week goes on, the tiny reduction in weight from last week might start increasing. I have to re-plan a lot of stuff too.

This would be a lot easier were there not a constant level of uncertainty around stuff I have no control over.

If politics becomes too much of a distraction it’ll be on with Spotify and off with Social media, but for now we’re doing okay.

The Girl from Ipanema

Christmas decorations are UP. Their delayed arrival had a lot to do with circumstance, with today being the first we had to get everything out of storage and up in place.Now it is done, I just gotta pull out the battered USB Xmas tree and plug it in, so the festive season is finally underway. I don’t think the poor thing will last much longer, but it’s as much of a tradition as anything else, so…

Normal service, such as it is, continues tomorrow.

Run for Home

I wasn’t going to write today, except I dreamt something REALLY important last night, and it needs sharing.

IN Dreams

I was in Dijon, city first visited this Summer, with the England Cricket Team (no idea, but they were playing) and someone who, for quite some time, meant a very great deal to me. Their actions and their attitude in the time we were together was nothing like how I had previously believed our relationship to have played out: it was almost as if they had never really cared to begin with, and I had imagined all of the apparent interest and respect that existed.

Moments that mattered to me were simply this person being themselves, with no idea that I was reacting to it. My mental shortcomings had, over the period we’d spoken at length, completely warped any notion of normal. I woke up at the point where it became abundantly apparent that life was continuing without any indicator the relationship had taken place, and brain had imagined a completely different life from the same set of intractable variables.


Why am I here on a day off to recount this? Mostly, because it’s true.

I’ve been looking at a number of key relationships all wrong. The people who TRULY need thanking are those who genuinely encourage and support. I see them every day, and they’re being acknowledged, one by one this month via Twitter. They were last year too, and the best friends will slowly be gifted their own tailored thanks. However, there are some people who just don’t give back at all.

This is my reminder that friendship goes both ways. There are those for whom you care, but their inability or unwillingness to do so in return is real, and should not be simply accepted as part of the relationship. What matters most right now is those who show their support and understanding, who are there when needed. No agendas and no questions, just support, understanding and respect. That’s the key. Respect what I am.

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I have worked hard, and the rewards are beginning to come. If you really are the friend you say you are, step up and be happy and proud for me. Don’t wait for me to chase after you. Arrive early. Be supportive. Prove that the friendship actually matters.

I am no longer running after you.