The beauty with the Internet is that you don’t have to press ‘Publish’ as soon as you have a great idea. There are mechanics in place to allow you to schedule stuff. They’ll also tell you that your posts should have original titles to make it easier for your readership to identify your subject matter. Screw that this early in the game. I’m not here to make this easy :P
When I dived back into this process I had an idea in the back of my mind that writing as therapy really did work. In the end however I realised that the aspect that was helping me wasn’t actually the words per se, but was more to do with setting a realistic time scale to do things. I’m still really struggling with fitting the domestic into this equation, for instance, but that’s been something I’m now trying to slowly chip a way into with a small measure of success. It’s all baby steps in the end, and then when you screw everything up not allowing yourself to go too many spaces back and undo all the good work you’ve created. So this blog experiment covers the cracks that the other two don’t fill, because sometimes it is about the stuff that occupies your mind with greater significance than that picture of cake or that .gif you can’t stop looking at.
What I’m hoping will happen by giving my brain a place to just exist and not have to work to a format is to free up some of the kinks in my other creative processes. I’ll talk about the other stuff I do here undoubtedly (because I’m not an idiot, I get how everything interleaves) but not with the focus they have in the spaces they belong in. This is for when I kick back and try to actually make myself explain why all this does what it does when it all gets stuck together. That is probably a lot more woolly than it needs to be, but I’ve moved past the point where just describing my days is sufficient. There’s too much in everything to ignore any more.
I want a place to be in where I am the only expectation.
That’s why the two times I’ve advertised this place is all it gets to everyone else in my current spheres. I’m not doing this as an exercise in personal focus. Its about breaking myself apart and having the nerve to talk about what I find, which I can’t now do in the other places I inhabit. It’s the Blogging I should have done a decade ago when I first flirted with what it was I wanted to gain from talking about how I deal with my mental issues. Mostly, I just want to type words and see where they take me, without a structure or a plan, because doing this is a freedom I’ve never felt anywhere else. it is a liberation from the realisation that everything else has a plan now, and actually I like it when I’m not thinking about the next thing to do.
Some days, it just needs to be me and the words.