… has never been a strength of mine, particularly in those times of my hormonal cycle that accompany the arrival of the decorators ^^ Age has not helped this process either, it must be said, but once upon a time I’d not even consider sharing this with anyone to begin with. My outlook has mellowed considerably in the last decade, and if I have to go though this living hell once a month, I’m feeling less guilty now about dragging people along for the ride.

Anyway, menstruating reduces me (I’d say about one month in three) to an emotional ball of mush. This explains my reaction to an event yesterday I’d have probably walked away from and then returned to with far more dispassionate reflection, had I been able to predict that I was going to start bleeding within 24 hours. I used to be able to time eggs (unintentional pun) by my precision in cycle but now, as I hurtle inevitably towards menopausal DOOM it’s anybody’s guess what my body is up to on any given day. Men, honestly, however horribly emancipated you may feel at any given point in your lives just be grateful you never have to menstruate EVER. 

Anyway, I digress.

Thanks to hormonal imbalance I am fucked off with the notion that people on the Internet are

a) not allowed their opinion if it deviates from anybody else’s and,
b) Stating an opinion is now an excuse to open up a can of whupass on anyone you might pass JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH to do so.

It has come down to having to control EVERYTHING online to a point where you you can’t have a Forum without a moderator, you can’t post a Blog without Guidlines for response or indeed you can’t even open your mouth without someone jumping down your throat. I’ve just watched a fight on a popular ‘Guide’ site that frankly has made me laugh at the stupidity of the crux. What’s it about today? Taking pictures of your character online with an in-game camera.

There’s probably a line about meta relevancy here somewhere, but that’s not the point.

When someone makes an effort to produce something that other people believe is worthwhile, and if all you want to do is destroy it, you need professional help. You are sad and small and pathetic and frankly require your parents to take all of your electronic devices away forever. I know some of you people’s parents are in their 90’s now, but that’s not the point. This is not how to live your life. You should have been taught respect and moderation.

The World is in a whole lot of trouble right now, if you didn’t know it already.


Some days, it is hard being what I am. I failed at Mum today with some style, and I struggled to organise myself sufficiently to get any of the things complete I wanted. However, I did write three pretty decent posts on the Gaming site, but on reflection at least one could have been held back a day. My enthusiasm to share is beginning to impede my progress, and that’s a worry. Ironically, my fiction has refused to materialise with any kind of consistency, but I did at least make some progress on that front. From nothing, I now have 2000 words to play with.

It is at least a start.

The last week have been really hard on my personal space. I’m struggling to maintain a cohesion on anything, and even with lots of RL distraction I’m tired and irritable. I’ve seen a lot of stuff happen in my social media sphere that’s upset me far more than it really should, and friends have reminded me that I can’t change everything and I shouldn’t react to every criticism I get. They’re right, of course, but I forget stuff quite easily when working on half decent night’s sleep. Really, I could do with a Holiday, but I won’t get one until August.

Mostly, I’m in that part of the month where hormones undermine my ability to be confident in anything I do, and I just want to go and hide in a corner, except I can’t, because you know, LIFE.

Mostly I just want to eat crap and undo about 74 days worth of good work. But I won’t.


We have a General Election here in the UK imminently, with voting next Thursday (7th May) Today, I spied on my way to School to pick up the youngest our local MP giving away balloons to kids as they came out of the gates.

Needless to say, I didn’t vote for him last time, and I won’t be doing so any time soon.

I knew there was a better than average chance he’d come and offer one, as I watched him pass over ‘gifts’ to kids ahead of us. When we met us, my daughter politely refused, and explained to me as we walked away that offering people free things was not the way to get them to like you.

I REALLY hope Mr David Amess heard her, because the time for real change needs to come very soon, and if you really think this represents a good use of your Campaign budget, we need someone else in power pretty damn sharpish. Also, helium is a non-renewable gas, and you lot wasting it like this? NOT IMPRESSED.

Ground Zero

A number of RL things have become pressing to the point where I cannot in good conscience ignore them any more. The problem with life, inevitably, is that it has no respect for your ability to be organised or have a long-term direction. What this does mean is that sitting down in front of a computer becomes increasingly less attractive, which does not make for progress when words are involved.

What I want to do, and something I will attempt to instigate in the week, is a more efficient form for my writing, insofar as I will try my utmost to schedule more and procrastinate less. This will work for some places better than others, however.

For now however I have to move the contents of my youngest’s room from where it is to the lounge in anticipation of a complete redecoration next weekend. Because we like to do stuff sometimes on the spur of the moment, honest ^^


A hello to the new people here, as I know there are a few. If you’ll expecting commentary, you’ll get it, except not right now.

Today was one of those that started badly and got progressively worse as time went on, hit the lowest point possible and then went back up again. However, I am now sitting here with a not inconsequential bowl of Chinese food and feeling a lot better than I have for a while. Food is not always the answer, but after a couple of days like wot I’ve had, it bloody well helps.

Now all I need is a bucket of tea and sanity will be restored.

Roll on the weekend.


I have watched this hashtag play out over the last day or so with a fair deal of interest. The original flashpoint came, it seems to me, from someone opening their mouth and engaging their brain without considering the consequences. That’s never a good idea, and will inevitably end in disaster. The fact remains, that there is no ‘traditional’ size or figure for women, there is only an average. There is what companies believe is an ‘average’, or commentators, or your mates in the Pub on a Friday. What nobody ever, EVER considers is what people believe they should be inside their own minds. It is perhaps inevitable that, as a society, when media pushes people to believe that ‘thin’ is what matters more than ‘happy’ that so many people decide that the latter remains more important. This is EXACTLY what should happen. People need to be happy before they look and feel comfortable to begin with.


I have my own view of this that I’d like to share, if I may.

I’ve been trying for a very long time (about 14 years) to lose weight back to the point where I was before my kids were born. I’ll grant you, I never tried very hard until now, but as I find myself nearing my goal, I’m very glad I didn’t stay overweight. It made me ill, it exacerbated my asthma and frankly, it made me unhappy. I am well aware that I am not in the thrall of society when it comes to how I look, and the only person in the end to whom my body shape matters is me. For that reason alone, I needed to lose the weight. Not to evangelise, or to cast aspersions at anyone else who makes their own choices based on a set of decisions that are only relevant to them. The key here is the individual and not a ‘group’ and I think this is where all the ‘X says being size Y is bad’ stuff falls down. You don’t have the right to judge what is beautiful, or what is right, you only get a chance to comment, and you should do that politely when it happens. When your mouth opens, consider how much damage you can do if you don’t understand every single person on the planet is an individual.

Because they absolutely are.

Venus, in 1486, had a tummy, and really small boobs, and is incomparable. Beauty is not the concern of the modern world, the strain on health services is, because everyone sees large and assumes unhealthy. Then you’ll get articles like this which now suggest that actually, it’s the food we eat at fault and not the people eating it.  So you’re saying it’s not that people eat too much it’s the food companies who should be taken to task for the way stuff is both made and marketed? Should this not be the moment we wheel in the fact so much food is wasted in Western Society and never even gets eaten anyway? Playing the Blame Game is not wise or sensible in this day and age. The answer is to appeal not to the masses, but the individual, to make each person think and be responsible for his or her health and well-being. That’s the key here. Not tarring everyone with the same badly made brush.

Which stupid people seem to enjoy doing with gay abandon.


My husband has now lost four stone after being diagnosed with Type Two Diabetes. He has significantly reduced the need for medication as a result of this, and is undoubtedly happier than I have seen him at any point in his life. He cycles regularly and will be doing London to Paris in 24 hours on a bike in June. However, he’s not here as an example of why being ‘thin’ is better than being ‘fat.’ He’s an example of what happened to one person when they were diagnosed with an illness and how they dealt with it. More importantly, he’s also an example of knowing what needs to be done in order to make an individual happy. Why does this always get overlooked in situations like this? Is it because the thin girl looks at the fat one and assumes that because she’s happy then that poor girl must be utterly miserable?

Because if that is the case, that’s stupid beyond belief.

Stop assuming you know how other people feel, media. Don’t promote narrow-minded and dangerous thinking when it comes to what is ‘normal’ either, because that’s a path you don’t ever want to walk down unless you’re 100% confident you could win any argument with good grace and actual facts. Mostly, I think TV shows should stop having anyone on who’ll open their mouth without thinking first. Maybe, actually, you could find some more REAL women to talk to rather than the ones you think look good on a screen.


I missed a day, which is annoying because I’d been doing so well with at least checking in, but the last couple of entries have been hardly explanatory, so I should expand a bit.

The early morning for Podcast #2 is taking some getting used to, but this week was a considerable improvement. Mostly that’s due to me deliberately not looking at a screen of any kind for an hour before bed, and so I’ll keep that up in future. Monday and Tuesday have seen the first proper sounds of reader criticism coming for my attitudes and stances on the Gaming Blog, and I’m coping with the knowledge that some people aren’t interested in what I do if that means I won’t be overly positive. I write what I want, more or less, or else you start noticing how much of a fraud I undoubtedly am. Perilously few people are publicly prepared to stand up and say ‘boo’ to the company any more anyway, everyone has their deals with the Devil and their reciprocal arrangements to consider. Me, I do this because I love the game. When I stop, I’ll fuck off.

There needs to be a dissenting voice somewhere, or trust me when I say life gets boring really very fast.

There’s been some minor personal epiphanies too, most of which are on the back of what happened on Friday. At some point I will talk about what happened in more detail, but trust me when I say to you that only happens when I’m comfortable. That’s gonna take a while. Bear with me on all of this, because these are life changes I’m making with quite significant impacts. Anyone who thinks you stop learning once you leave education really needs to understand just how complicated life can be sometimes. Needless to say, LOTS TO LEARN.

Finally, I have grasped that often those who are overly critical of you are probably doing exactly the same thing themselves and decide that it’s easier to blame someone else instead of look within. In that case, you really are better served ignoring them altogether. Of course the moment you do this there’s the potential for more drama, but there comes a point where ‘fuck it I don’t care we have nothing to say to each other’ becomes a greater feeling than that slightly awkward English politeness that simply makes you pretend you’re not paying attention.

If people want drama, they can stop trying to find it with me.