Away

I had a day in London today, and something remarkable happened.

For the first time in 48 years, I was genuinely honest with myself. That might seem quite the incongruous statement, but actually it is totally and utterly accurate. How long it now takes me to get from this statement to the next one I make, I’m not sure, but the fact it was said out loud for the first time is quite monumental progress on my part.

The things is about being honest with yourself is twofold: understanding the problem, and being able to describe that issue to someone else. You can know something isn’t right for a very long time but unless you’re able to actually vocalise that inconsistency, it never matters, because you are the only person who ever understands. Making another person aware is about as big a first step as it gets. Problems then stop just being your issue, and others can step in and assist you, and ultimately point you in the right direction.

Needless to say, that initial acceptance isn’t actually as hard as you think its going to be when you’ve done the penance. When you know you’ve punished yourself enough, that first step is actually a relief. A massive, blessed relief.

Time to take the next one.