August seems a VERY long way away. I’d fully intended to finish off my Holiday posting, but Real Life has conspired pretty much every step of the way to ensure that my personal sanity gets bumped to the bottom of the pile, which last night resulted in a personal dream that was so shocking and violent I cried for an hour after everyone had left the house. It’s accumulated stress from all manner of things: not getting to see my friend in London, the (not unexpected) death of my Father in law, who isn’t actually my husband’s real father anyway. I told him when he passed away too, back when we’d only been together a few years. That’s a part of my life I don’t like to think about much, and it’s crept back into my thoughts a lot, and ironically resurfaced whilst we were away.
Needless to say, I am now the arbiter of my own destiny, and these things have been dealt with. The past remains there until such times as it demands attention, and then is sent away with a stern look and a stony silence. Because history teaches us, it does not dictate our actions. I’m very strong on this, and I’m not changing that stance for anyone, especially not now. As it stands my FiL’s Funeral is Friday, husband’s going down for it to the West Country and I get to stay with the kids, and that’s absolutely fine with everyone concerned. I already have things planned, but none of them will appease my soul. For that I need to be writing again, and so here I am, making a start on that immediately.
I will get the rest of the Holiday documented. I will finish my extended love letter to one of the most misogynist characters in modern fiction. Then I’ll deal with my first ever effort at real fiction in the NaNoWriMo window in November, because I want to have something to do with my life that’s not gaming. Then I think maybe I ought to reach out to some more people and try and build a social life again, just so when I have a breakdown midweek there’s someone else to go and cry to apart from my family, who all have their own issues to deal with right now.
Mostly, I’d like to point out that for the record I am still here, and I need to redress the writing balance to involve less angst and more humour.
Consider me right on that.