I have a problem with letting shit go.
A lot of my mental health issues last year undoubtedly centred around how the World perceives me. It has become increasingly apparent that my more critical eye is something some people don’t like seeing, or indeed listening to. In fact, most of the ire I garnered in 2015 was because I decided to stand up and diss things/people that I perceived as wrong, stupid or ridiculous. Some people, when you use Twitter or Facebook, have obviously guilty consciousnesses and assume, often completely erroneously, that you’re talking about them when actually your anger is directed elsewhere.
Occasionally I’d upset someone totally by accident. Far more frequently, someone would pop up and berate me when they clearly decided that not liking something they liked had done was utterly wrongheaded. Mostly, if I’m honest, I wasn’t the problem, they were. Their overly sensitive indignation had caused the issue and I was a convenient means to highlight that they weren’t the problem in all of this. I unintentionally (and often conveniently) got patsied. Of course, on the counter to this, those same people would argue that as the attention-seeking whore in this relationship, I should be able to take this criticism to begin with.
Social media’s fucking hilarious when you actually break it down.
People build empires on line in exactly the same way they do in Real Life. The crucial diversion occurs when you understand that you have more control over your virtual environment than you’ll ever possess in the meat-based version. There’s a point for many people, in their Twitter ‘careers’, when they realise it becomes crucial to remove voices from their seemingly ‘free’ world or they simply cease to function correctly. You’ll watch this happen when someone’s followers hit a psychological barrier. It could be the number of followers, or perhaps after a particular incident. Occasionally, and this is pretty rare it must be said, someone cuts all their chords and buggers off completely. The lure of ‘fame’ is often too strong for many to do this, however, and that in turn causes further bitterness. Of course, the genuinely successful people just get on with it and don’t subject the rest of the World to all of this inherent drama.
Those are the people everyone ought to be emulating.
Mostly, the World’s always looking for reassurance, because we’re still all kids deep down. It’s no surprise that the metaphor always returns to immaturity and inexperience, because for most letting go of those early years? That’s what keeps therapists in cash, Hollywood in re-makes and social media in drama. It’s no surprise how many people compare Twitter to High School/Secondary School, because it is. All the cliques, the mood swings, that bad hair… its all here. Human life, dissected and occasionally painfully exposed to both ridicule and disbelief.
Where you fit in the World is something most of us spend our entire existence trying to fathom. Some use it as a way to define themselves, and I realise this is where I’m beginning to shift. That means that, on days like today, I take the reins and make the last action mine. There are days when I won’t be able to control my environment, and then I simply have to accept my fate. On the days where I can, however? I’ll ensure that I’m the one who has the final say.
Because that, for me, defines what I really am.