Tomorrow begins Week Two of 2016, and I’m starting to grasp a few fundamental truths about how my perception of the world works. For a long time I’ve felt I’m not getting enough out of my time, that maybe with more thought and organisation I can stop myself wasting away in inertia, getting dragged down by bouts of depression if I actually make everything have a purpose. It sounds horribly new-aged and poncy to my rather old-fashioned Essex-accented ears, but the last seven days have bought home some rather stark home truths.
If you want your life to change, you really are the only person capable of doing it.
I don’t actually take that many pictures of myself, and this means that the last decade’s snaps are fairly few and far between. That changed when I started using Twitter, and although the Selfie may be a contentious subject for many, it proved to bring home to me some fairly fundamental home truths. I’m not getting any younger. This is my 50th year on the planet. If I want things to be better I cannot with good conscience sit around and expect the World to change around me, I have to be the one out there doing just that. So this year, however I feel and whatever has happened, there will be 52 pictures of how this year panned out so I can refer to this as evidence whether I passed or failed my own test: to move forward. As it stands, if I can keep this going for the next 51 weeks I’ll be beyond ecstatic, but there’s always how you deal with the unknown. However, as I cannot predict the future? Let’s just focus on what’s practically attainable.
A few people have referred to me as prolific in the last few months, which isn’t true, I just have a fuck of a lot to say on any given day. Having a routine in order to be able to channel that is useful, and it’s why scheduling becomes an absolute godsend when you know busy times are coming and you can plan accordingly. Right now my biggest issue to address is the domestic chaos you can’t see behind the screen that’s happened as a result of me throwing myself completely into exercise, and so that needs to be addressed as a matter of urgency. Then there’s the fact that I need to be using the time I have at the Gym/walking far more productively than I am: I do little or nothing with the upper half of my body, both brain and arms/torso could do with stimulating too. So at some point next week I need to grab a personal trainer to give me some hints, and download the BBC iPlayer onto my Phone. Oh, and maybe it’s time to make some new playlists to boot.
I’ve done a Podcast interview this week which will be the first of a series of many that will be broadcast across 2016. It’s giving me confidence to expand my abilities, and maybe produce some audio collages of my own. With Time to Change’s Time to Talk Day coming up in February, I might well do something for that too, it depends if I can find the right words to use. A lot of this is about confidence, and if I tell you I was shaking like a leaf when I took that full-length picture up there you’ll know I still have a way to go before I’m utterly confident with myself, if it ever actually happens. However confident I may sound to you, trust me, it’s pretty much always a lie.
That’s why this journey’s so important to begin with.