Losing Alan Rickman so soon after Bowie makes the whole ‘grieving about someone you never knew’ thing become really problematic. Defining your life, you see, is not simply about the stuff you do. It’s about what you watch, or read, or hear as well, often more so. These moments shape your progress, and alter the methods of travel once the two points intersect. And so, whilst all of you Snape or Gruber as a point of interest…? I went to Dogma. However, if I’m honest? This is where I’ll watch more. Because Austin is my jam, and always has been, and you would be hard pressed to find anyone who doesn’t think that the ‘Sense and Sensibility’ he starred in with Emma Thompson and Kate Winslet is the best version there is. Because it is.
I’m an incurable romantic, when all is said and done, and frankly you want a man who’d go find you in the rain and then carry you several miles whilst unconscious. Don’t give me that dirty look you stupid fucking feminists who’ll tell me you don’t need a man for validation, everybody wants someone who cares enough to not leave you for dead. In this case I would lose my shit and just so go there if Rickman did this for me. So YES I KNOW none of my expectations are realistic, but hey. Everybody has a List, right? That mental group of actors, performers and artists that if you ended up with them alone for a night and nobody else knew you’d just say yes and do the Walk of Shame in the morning with head held high? Rickman was on my list. Even at 69. Especially at 69.
I would have taken this man as validation every single day of the week.
Yeah, I know.
This week’s been roughly equivalent to being dragged backwards through the bushes for five days straight. Mostly I think I’d just like to make it to bedtime tonight and quite possibly not get up again until Monday, but I already know the total impracticality of my desire. What I will do is go and buy Sense and Sensibility on DVD and finally add it to my Austen collection, because it really deserves to be there and I ought to watch it completely and not as is so often the case catch the last 45 minutes on TV and wish I’d started from the beginning.
The World is quite a depressing place this morning.
[PS: There is a coda to this post, which you can find here.]