Saturday I felt crap, and for the first time this month I didn’t exercise. Guilt was sufficient that I woke up yesterday and decided that I’d make up for the lack of work by doing extra. That meant heading into the gym before 10am on a Sunday, with a new Playlist and a quiet determination not to stop until I’d redressed the balance. Two and a half hours later I came home but still wasn’t done, so went out in what was the coldest day of the year here to do what was a (largely irrelevant) shopping trip. Because sometimes, you need an excuse to make a point.
I’m not sure what has altered inside me in the last two weeks. Previously I would have just gone back to bed, not bothered, walked away (with far less enthusiasm) but now? Can’t do it. I know how much better I just am and that alone is enough of an incentive to push and move forward. My only issue? Having weighed myself this morning, my weight refuses to budge, which says to me that I have a different battle to face. And so, it is with a heavy heart that I start a two week regime with NO TREATS AT ALL. Just honey for tea, and that’s my lot, with my big morning mug the only bucket I allow myself. It’s probably telling I ended up pouring cereal into THAT this morning and my sleep cycle for yesterday resembles an oddly consistent disaster area.
What this means is grumpiness: not straight away, but after about *waggles hand* 3-5 days I’ll get really moody and unpredictable, and if I can push past the withdrawal symptoms and just be eating stuff that’s not fuelled by cocoa powder, chocolate solids or raw sugar and maybe, just MAYBE we can make some progress. I’d hoped I could continue to eat as I wanted whilst I was exercising but no, it is not to be. So, I have to be good. I’ve also discovered that certain breakfast foods are not good for my stomach come the evening and that means a subtle redefinition of what gets munched first thing. If it were just exercise that would beat my weight issues that would be fine but I’m fighting hormones too, and that’s never going to end well.
I’m a sugar addict. Maybe that’s the bigger issue that should be dealt with first.