I am my own biggest enemy, without doubt, on most days. I don’t think I’m good enough. I constantly question my ability to do anything successfully. Mostly, it is about taking the metaphorical incapability by the horns and attacking it. This is also met with varying levels of success, dependant on circumstance. While other people may perceive my worth as greater, I know how small and insignificant it really is. Because when you can see the entire Universe in a breath, that puts most things into a suitable perspective. What I’ve been doing of late is trying to reduce the world view to things I can manage and control: exercise, weight, personal comfort.
Now I need to extend that into other areas of life as well.
Resisting the temptation to procrastinate is the hardest thing of all, an effort to get up and move on. However, the establishment of the daily exercise routine is beginning to push lots of other things back into place. Then there’s the desire to organise everything at once, and that has to be tempered with realism. One thing at a time, don’t overstretch or nothing gets done. Keep one area ticking over, and then add others. Set realistic goals. All this life affirming doublespeak is great, but mostly you want to see instant and tangible results, and if my weight issues have taught me anything is that it takes time.
As I learned with 30k steps, running before you can walk properly is fraught with danger. Take it easy, and slow and actually you could well win the race. Tortoises aren’t bad to aspire to. At least they know their own mind.
I think that’s what matters to me now most of all.