Today would have been the day I failed and went backwards.
Instead, this is the day I realise that actually, there is nothing to be gained by beating myself into a pulp every time I lose control of events. That’s just how life is: you deal with it, then you move on. This is the moment when I grasp that actually? It’s okay to get cross when something happens you don’t like, but you don’t let it destroy everything else you worked at. Most importantly it is the day I realise that everybody is human and not just me, and I cannot use my standards as a benchmark for other people. They have their own issues to sort, quite ahead of me. All in all, I’ve achieved a lot mentally this morning. Yeah, it won’t make me rich or famous, but it is going to give me more grounding in the future.
Also, I think the relentless blood-loss might actually have stopped now. I’m going to make a Doctor’s appointment on the way to the Gym this afternoon. Then we definitely do have progress.
To everyone who reads this, I now ask you a favour.
I need your help. The next couple of weeks are going to be hard for me, and if you could kick me from time to time to make sure I’m not lying to you and saying things are fine when they’re not? That would be great. Because I tend to hide, and lie, and deceive myself far too much when mentally I’m struggling. I need help to face the real demons, and those are far more subtle and clever than the obvious issues of weight and self- esteem. I’ll do a double session at the Gym today in the hope I can pull some sanity back into proceedings and then I just have to work through it. One day at a time.
I don’t normally ask for help, but this time I am. Thank you.