Look, you and I need to be clear on a few things before we go any further.
You seem to be under the impression I’m continually acting to some kind of agenda: I don’t make a living writing here, or in either of the other two places that happens, at least not yet, but that could change. If it did, however, I’d sacrifice a very important part of what I know I am to do so, and that’s wrong on a lot of levels. The reason why I still write daily posts, remember, is as therapy, and that still remains the case even now. However, and this is crucial: I don’t give a flying fuck about being special, or wanted, or on someone’s ‘special’ list. I don’t care if you have an NPC named after you or if you’ve got 100k subs, I’d like to know you as a person before any of that shit becomes a bargaining chip. If you’re here because you think I might be useful to know in your bid for World Domination?
Gimme a second while I stop laughing.
This ‘Community’ you keep talking about? It’s a crock, a lie, and only comprises the people you choose to talk to. If you intentionally remove me from proceedings because I’m not sympathetic to your point of view? That’s not community, that’s exclusion. If then when I become sympathetic to me again once my opinion changes? That’s just dumb, because I didn’t change. I just learnt more about something and decided to alter my outlook. Fundamentally I’m no different than I was before, but if you keep swaying like that in the wind eventually your trunk is going to snap and you’re no use to anybody. This is the biggest problem you’ll ever have in your life. Trust me from someone who took fifty years to get here. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, in the end, you need the internal consistency for nobody else but yourself.
Without it? Life becomes largely unrealistic.
You know what they call this? Belief. many of you were lucky enough to have this instilled into you from an early age, using such institutions as faith, companionship and togetherness. It took me a remarkably long time to grasp the concept of belief, and only now it still often sits uncomfortably in a troubled mind. If you know you are right? It won’t matter how much wrong there is about you. Belief gives you a calm and comfort you will never, EVER find elsewhere. Drugs cannot recreate it, it is impossible to create externally. You just have to allow it to exist within you unprompted, and the moment it does there is a foundation for something far, FAR stronger than anything else you will ever encounter.
I don’t want to be your friend if you consider that a means to an end. I’m not here to look good next to you. If what you truly crave is a part of my existence? Trust is the key to everything and if I cannot do that, it will NEVER happen. Understand that as you read the words, you don’t know me either, this part of the process is shared only to make a point. Very few people will ever really touch you, and to understand them is not necessary. All that is required is the willingness to understand yourself first. Find belief in yourself before anything else happens, and if that’s possible?
So much else will simply fall into place.