The Disappointed

Getting fit has brought some unexpected benefits to my life: one of them has involved a distinct improvement to the way my digestive system functions. That means it is even more pronounced when the thing stops working, but even that appears to have become less traumatic in the action and recovery. I know full well what made me sick on Sunday, and food was only a part of the equation. I work quite hard now to limit the amount of stress I’m under by doing my complete utmost to plan far enough ahead to be able to anticipate potential issues. My husband’s also pretty good at helping with this but on Saturday night I was given a piece of information that wasn’t just unexpected, it was fairly stressful.

Then I had to cope with it all. Seriously, you chill and relaxed people have no idea you are born: stuff just happens to you and you sail through it with absolutely no external or internal consequence. Stress has always manifested itself physically: digestive woes, particular aches and pains, headaches… and I do not enjoy these things. There is absolutely no desire whatsoever to milk these for social media sympathy either, so don’t go there. I’m getting too old for this shit, and I’d like a quiet life. That’s why I try and prepare myself whenever possible, and one of the unexpected benefits of being physically stronger is that the stress isn’t as big a deal as it once was.


I had to wear heels on Sunday, and that’s not happened for some time, which aggravated an issue with my right leg that’s been niggling off and on for a couple of weeks. Whereas previously I’d have tried to keep weight off it, I just walked through the whole thing pretty much all of Sunday and yesterday, despite being knackered. The more I did it, the better this became, and it appears I have reached a point where the physical is more beneficial to me than the sedentary. I can’t now sit around for too long, or indeed waste time where before I would have been happy to just procrastinate. The physical has become a coping mechanism. That’s still a statement that surprises me, even seeing it written down makes me do a double take. I used to HATE exercise, so much. Then I recall a period in my late teens when my parents had a static bike and I spent a lot of time using it, because I was too scared to go out on roads. I can remember the physical calm that effort created, and wonder at what point I forgot this was helpful.

It is odd how past and present keep colliding in moments of revelation.


The reminder that ‘time is a flat circle’ has been all the more obvious in the last few weeks: change does come in cycles, and the temptation when looking forward is to never go back because of the potential damage that can be wrought when doing so. However, what the past is useful for is understanding, especially the paths we currently tread. Exercise has been a significant part of my life, and so has stress, and the fact I can use one to effectively alleviate the other is hardly news. What is new however is the understanding that the benefits of doing this aren’t just mental.

With that, I’m off to drag a tractor tyre around a Sports Club car park. Because, you know, MOTIVATION PEOPLE :D

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