Silence

The last days of good weather are on their way out. It won’t be long before GMT is back. Most importantly, in a week I’ll be on a train, coming back from Paris. Late on Friday night, my husband spilt the beans on a surprise both he and the kids had planned: a trip on Eurostar, to our favourite restaurant in the shadow of Notre Dame. I’ve wanted to do the trip from St Pancras since forever, and to have all this arranged (plus a night at a hotel) was something I really wasn’t expecting. In fact it took a full fifteen minutes of guesswork to finally arrive at the conclusion. I haven’t stopped smiling about this ever since.

Good things like this never happen to me.

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Walking this afternoon, it occurred to me just how lucky I am. There’s no point in getting stressed that 50 is coming: I can’t avoid it, ageing is inevitable and inescapable. On my walk I travel past a bungalow that has been converted into a ‘chemical procedures’ surgery: liposuction, botox, minor cosmetic surgery all under one roof. I understand why many woman pursue these things, that the notion of beauty is as subjective as just about everything else, that these procedures matter. Feeling whole, complete and satisfied with yourself is something many people just never have the chance to experience, and when there are so many factors at play…? Is it any wonder so many of us never find a sense of satisfaction.

Happiness, I am beginning to grasp, is as much about you allowing it to happen than it is having ‘things’ or ‘people’ involved. Being able to give yourself up to a feeling of contentment is often a pretty big ask, when everything else gets in the way. That’s why I have nothing but respect for those who are able to prioritise what matters above what others consider important. It’s probably why I’m drawn to mavericks and brilliance, because those who are capable of rising above the conventional to live life on their own terms deserve nothing but respect. It might seem obvious to some of you but for me? A lot of this is still revelation. You people really don’t know how lucky you are.

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Simple things are beginning to matter far more than ever before.

Maybe that’s the future for me moving forward.

One thought on “Silence

  1. That sounds like 500 levels of awesome. I hope you have a grand adventure and get to eat lots of wonderful food. Happy 50th.

    Oh. By the way. 50 is the new 30. It’s been 4 years past for me. The universe did not collapse on itself. Life goes on. You either let it age you, or you toss your hands in the air and proclaim your never growing up, give me my lance, there are windmills to tilt!!

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