Not A Job

I should have been out today, eating lunch with a dear friend, but instead the bug my daughter bought back from Paris crit me for 31728103. I don’t remember the last time I succumbed like this either, which will be a lot to do with the late week stress induced by other people that I should know better than to be sucked in by. However, now I have drugs and honey/lemon plus tissues, I think I can try upright for a while. At the end of the oddest of weeks for quite some time, it is apposite to reflect on how the World affects us in ways I suspect are often never considered at the time.

This, I think, is the root of the issues over the last week. When you have no control over the world around you, there’s increasing temptation to micro-manage your own life. In my case, this used to result in a whole lot of additional grief: I only have to look back at the meltdown that happened with Brexit to understand how aggrieved and isolated that event made me feel. Learning that other people don’t see the World the way you do, when you were convinced a common bond was shared, can be quite depressing to boot. Ultimately there is a choice: pick your friends with care, and make sure that when you do reach out to help someone you’re aware of what that means long term. Yeah, you can have a ton of Internet Friends too: they still count, but if that’s the case do your homework. When things come down to the wire, knowing who is there for you matters as much as it would do in reality.

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What is a surprise, and continues to be so, is the way people ‘forget’ the World is listening. The person who popped the full-blown conspiracy theory into my feed is still on mute, I’ll admit, because there’s still a bit of uncertainty how to deal with such an admission. If I’m feeling brave I’ll try and communicate further when I think someone maybe threw a curve into my life, but doing that can be as dangerous as smoking out a bees nest. Right now, it’s about 50/50 you’ll end up with some kind of drama, depending on the person you’re dealing with. It also has a lot to do with why the person chose to follow you in the first place. There are agendas at play all over the shop, the trick is trying to keep track of everybody’s particular interests.

It is on days like today when I’m sick that it is important to remind myself that this is not a job, and I can step back. However, the mental benefits of writing all this shit down has now outweighed the physical benefits of lying down and making ‘I’m ill, look after me’ noises, and that is a really significant step in what I consider to be the right direction. Yes, I will go and have a sleep after this because I managed five hours overnight, but it was important to write everything that I have today, because mental health is always an issue. There are a lot of people struggling right now too: you’re not alone, but the answer is not to lash out at other people or try and drag them down with negativity. As I stated on the Other Blog, that doesn’t help anyone, yet still that’s the way the Internet’s training a section of the population to react to trauma. If you’re upset? Yeah, go make a stand on Social media, because that’s a sure fire way to find people to agree with you.

This whole thing has become an exercise in validation, when it should be more about co-operation and understanding. Being right is not the answer, and that’s a lesson I know for damn sure I still need help to learn for myself. However, if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go and lie down, as I’ve assuaged the mental for another day.

Someone please pass the tissues.