Blue Monday

This week is a Deadlines week, and normally this would be accompanied by much wailing and gnashing of teeth, except today? Not so much of anything. In fact, if I get any more relaxed I think I’m gonna pass out. This is even after the start to the last two days when I have watched other people’s stupid do their best to derail me. I’ll tell you when all this started: I did a 5 minute meditation in the Gym. I just cleared my mind of everything, focused on the beat of the music, and switched off. It was incredibly simple, and I understand I’m now at a stage where I don’t have time to get annoyed about all this fucking pointless shit, because there are better things to be doing with my time.

You know, like living.

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I pretty much beat PB’s on everything yesterday. I have committed to run a Kilometre, at least three times a week, and possibly more if I can cope with the exercise. My arms are now totally unrecognisable from where I started in May. I have the beginnings of a notion of complete change, that didn’t exist before. I even have a favourite exercise, when the fuck did that happen?

The fact I couldn’t even manage four of these a couple of months ago and now I can knock off a set of twelve is fantastic news for the top half of my body which was sorely lacking in confidence. In fact, I’ll be found nipping off to the stairs when I get frustrated, between bouts of writing, to do a set of these when the urge takes me. The confidence this then gives elsewhere should absolutely not be underestimated or belittled. Amazing really, that if you do something long enough for it to become habit forming, it can be helpful. All that detrimental shit I used to rely on? Slowly falling away, but it does take willpower. An incredible amount of it, and the understanding that sometimes being hard on yourself is not the answer to everything. Yup, it works for some stuff, but not everything.

Do what you have to do, people, that’s how this gets better for you.