Running Scared

I’ve not mentioned exercise much this week, but it has happened three times, including walking to and from the Gym every time. I’ve also made a concerted shift on from my normal ‘routine’ and begun every session with the use of an Inhaler, before running 1K in the best time possible. Today, I did it in 7.19, which is an eleven second improvement on the start of the week. As I don’t do numbers, it is largely irrelevant, but the difference required to make up those eleven seconds is enough to push everything I do from now on further forward. Stamina is still an issue, I need more energy than I can currently command, and that probably will involve a further redefinition of what is eaten during any give day. However, there are distinct improvements to report not simply in times.

I’m able to not think about push ups now: every exercise I do requires at least some notion of mental as well as physical effort. Running especially currently involves me not panicking, concentrating just about being serene and not allowing my breathing to run away (^^), making an effort not to lose the plot. In the beginning I had to push my arms through every single repetition of a push up, but now the first set of 12 is an impulse, no effort at all. Once I get to 36 the thought needs to be reengaged, I have to push those last few, but this is new territory. There has never been a point previously where I could just drop and do it without the backup, and that is most definitely progress.

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My coat I bought last year, that was loose at the top and tight at the bottom, now works the other way. My waist is shrinking and the arms are growing, so much that pushing certain sleeve tops past my elbows is impossible. It takes considerably less steps to get to and from the Gym, which means making up 12k is becoming harder, despite me getting physically fitter. It will mean rethinking my trip to and from the Gym, and I’ll stick a longer way there starting Monday to make up the shortfall. Skin is suffering because of Winter weather and hormonal changes too, and I should make some time to try and address that. Finally, I could really do with some new underwear, because COME ON COMFY PANTS.

Oh, yeah, and that grand plan to write about NaNoWriMo went out the window when I grasped just how all-consuming this was going to be. 40k’s coming up and I’m probably a third of a way through my plot. I’ve spent as much time as I can writing and maybe I could have done more physical work this week but honestly, with my lack of sleep, it’s been just fine at this level. In fact, with my current state of fatigue now, more physical effort would probably have buggered me being able to write at all. Trying to balance all of this is not nearly as easy as I imagined it would be. I start things and radically underestimate exactly what will be required to complete them, every single time.

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However, most significantly of all things this week, the Bond is done. I don’t think I’ve ever been as proud of something as I am of that, even if it will never make me a penny. It is my attempt to counter gravity that is both inescapable and suffocating, that allowing a woman into this Boys Only club is never ever likely to happen in my lifetime, because Bond’s a metaphor for so much that people don’t ever want to change. I’ll be happy to stand by that story until I die, because I made a point, and I did it well. If you want to read it, it starts here, and I’ll have a PDF of it up next week if you wanna take it in one hit.

Even if I never better this, it is for me part of what I’ve promised to do moving forward. I work hard, it gets easier and maybe one day someone will notice that I did something great.

I can but hope.