The 6th Day

There’s one more elephant stopper in the blister pack, my stomach is in full on antibiotic revolt and I’ve pulled a chest muscle. Welcome to Sunday, people after two days of more or less major emotion upheaval for nobody except myself. However, in my subconscious, it’s Christmas and New Year combined because when I sleep BOY is it sexy fun times. These are the ones I’d want to record, so if someone could get on the tech for that I’d be grateful. No, you don’t get details. Oh, and this one ain’t going to Facebook either, because I have words to say about how it’s not about stupidity on any given day, but general understanding.

In situations like this, the question you ask to people isn’t nearly as important as their own agenda. If, for example, Person B is following me because they find me attractive and therefore are compelled to do so because TWITTER CRUSH, an honest answer to this is pretty much breaking the 4th Wall. However, if you’re Person K and here to read, digest and possibly engage in more than a simple ‘oh I like you, I’m going to sit here and stare until you get uncomfortable’ kind of way, both sides of the equation stand to get something out of the experience. Then, if nobody answers at all you know that it’s time to move on.

It isn’t on most days how other people communicate with you that matters, but the other way around. This is why journalists are supposed to be taught about unbiased and fair reporting, because there are always two sides to any story and just giving one is largely unproductive, especially in a society that has intellectually lynched many people because everybody else says they’re wrong. Once upon a time everybody could read you on social media, good or bad, and that would make for some fairly entertaining occurrences. Now everybody curates, and every time you cut out noise you don’t remove those problems, it’s just that. These people don’t suddenly vanish, whilst society slowly fractures into groups who don’t trust each other, but often have a bigger problem with themselves.

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What seems to be forgotten a lot is that if you start talking here, in public (THAT’S WHAT IT IS) there are innumerable consequences and undoubtedly that is why voice/chat combos such as Discord are becoming increasingly popular. Once upon a time you let it all hang out on Facebook but now weird Aunty Thelma’s there you don’t feel safe being yourself, so let’s go to a place with a bunch of people you like right now and just hang out there instead. EXCEPT yet again your notion of who’s speaking to you is controlled by those who choose to moderate this space. These are decreasingly smaller versions of ‘reality’ which is heading towards the day when we’re all on VR but you only talk to one person at a time. Yeah, you might be able to ‘see’ all those friends you have but they’re all waiting there for you to fuck up so a) they can laugh and b) be grateful it wasn’t them, and here we are in a Black Mirror episode, not for the first time this year.

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Yesterday, someone compared me to Cherry Jones’ character in the Black Mirror episode ‘Nosedive’ and I think that if I wanted a better metaphor for what this all is I’d not find one. I really don’t care what is now acceptable, and if you want to engage with me, you will, on your terms and never mine. This is not about a cheery smile and breasts all over my You Tube channel. I won’t compromise what I believe in and I sure as fuck won’t ever tow a major corporate line if it has anything to do with hurting people or simply focusing on monetary ends. I don’t need to be anything other than this, because I spent 50 years trying to keep everybody happy and fuck that now. I will hold you tightly and be your best of friends, but you gotta grasp that you don’t just get that without working for it.

Most importantly, if you keep running away and changing your mind and renaming your presences and can’t sit still for longer than five minutes? I’m looking for patience, understanding and not simply a pat on the head. No, I was never a good girl, but I know what’s right. I understand what manipulation is. I get that people need life on their terms, and if you won’t fit into that then it gets horribly messy. I’m also well aware when people aren’t listening. That’s fine. We can still respect each other despite this. Just grasp that when that happens…? You don’t get to carry on as if nothing matters.

How you communicate with me is how I form all my ideas about you.

That part of process has absolutely nothing to do with me at all.