It had to happen eventually. A set of circumstances has transpired that now gives me need for serious pause, to look at my life and decide what it is I really want. I know that means my Novel (still working, exceeded 60k words, going strong) but after that, there needs to be something to pay the bills. Looking at my finances, I only have a limited time to add to the cash I’ll need to survive through retirement. I’m really not making the best use of what I’m capable of. That means, that for the first time in my life, I need to create a CV.
There’s no shortage of websites to help me with this, and I have no shortage of experience to offer. Once that’s done I just have to pimp myself until the eyes bleed. That’s something I’m used to as well, so really nothing that I’m aiming for is completely inaccessible. You just have to believe you’re good enough, and now I do. It took a while, and wasn’t helped by some incidents along the way that made me believe I simply wasn’t capable of being that person. However, now I grasp that a lot of my issues had absolutely nothing to do with ability, and everything around the people I was dealing with. In fact, that really was the major problem all along. The cynic in my head never wanted to accept that maybe the real reason my face would never fit was because I rubbed someone’s partner up the wrong way, as the result of a genuine misunderstanding. In the end, it didn’t matter, because I grasped I simply wasn’t ever going to fit the profile that I’d have to fill.
I know I’m capable of writing with depth and passion. I’m more than aware that if you’re judged on a criteria that involves personal bias, nothing will ever be fair or equitable, and in the end the moment someone looked at my work before judging my character? I was getting paid. Now I want more and frankly I really don’t care about being a ‘personality’ or saying I worked for X as if it is some badge of honour. I do this for myself. All of this isn’t to prove I’m capable, because that’s already been adequately established. Now I’m here to spread my wings and become better, and never feel as if I’ve been trapped in a place where there’s only one way to go. However hard things may get, I’ll still support mental health charities. I’ll continue to point out stupidity wherever I see it, and gaming will remain a part of what I am.
Now, however, I don’t need your validation any more. You know who you are.