Once upon a time I’d have never seen 8am on a Sunday, but today I woke up and having realised I’d done my eight hours rest for the night, I just didn’t want to stay in bed. So, after getting up and admiring the brilliant iced cake my 11 year old produced on her own last night from scratch, I made breakfast, and because I’ve not yet had a cuppa I put a spoonful of honey in with my porridge without thinking. Taking the first mouthful, I may as well just have eaten the honey directly because that’s all I could taste, and suddenly comes the revelation that I’m done with sweetening a great many things. In fact as I sit here there is the understanding that somewhere between late December and here, something quite fundamental has occurred.
My body no longer craves sugar as fuel.
That revelation comes from Friday’s binge, where my first port of call wasn’t to reach for cake, but to go buy brown sourdough. In fact it was a sandwich that was far more tempting than any amount of sugary treats that I had to hand. Normally after abstinence in January (I’ve done a couple of years now where I’ve given up the sweet stuff after Christmas) I simply slip back into the old habits like this morning and don’t stop, but that porridge tasted AWFUL. All the subtlety of flavour and texture was ruined by shoving the unprocessed sugar into a place where on reflection, it didn’t belong. If I’d have wanted that sweeter the answer would have been dried cherries, not raw sugar. Before I’d have simply dismissed the oversight and carried on, but not today, because this week I’m going to learn something and not just carry on as if nothing changes.
For the second time in two weeks I’m off to the Gym with my Husband: he does a Spin Class, I’ll do 45 minutes on a treadmill, which is now roughly beneficial to doing 90 minutes if I was here a year ago. It is an opportunity to just relax (as I did last week) that then ends up with me pushing the limits of what I’m capable of, because it’s not being recorded or registered as an ‘official’ session. I now do my Push day on Wednesdays and a Pull day on Saturdays without a thought, though I will admit this week I didn’t Cardio ‘properly’ as I was recovering from the head cold my Son very gratefully passed on. However, all the weights were completed, and in many cases increased so I know I’m not skimping on physical effort. The scales have crept up simply as a result of the physical weight of food I’ve eaten, and that’s (hopefully) something I can deal with today with a largely liquid diet before I weigh in again tomorrow.
There are days when you know you’ve gone backwards, and often these are the moments when you learn the most about yourself. The last three days have been mentally tougher than anything I’ve experienced for a while, and the revelation that I stuck in the writing blog last night was probably overdue. I can talk about myself now without issue, but the fictional side of things, which traditionally always suffered when there was mental issues to deal with, has been effectively sacrificed in order to get fit. This cannot be allowed to continue and so today, quite apart from the need to not lose impetus, I was up early to write what needed to be done so I can focus later on getting the groundwork done to move forward. Having identified the issue, it would be remiss of me to just ignore the work required to get that fixed. That’s why the personal stuff’s been done first, I can do the gaming stuff now in my sleep, and I have a cracking topic to start on when I get back from the Gym.
My friends have said, on numerous occasions, that I take on too much and can be quite hard on myself when things don’t work as I wish. I’ll happily admit this is true, but at present I know what I’m capable of doing, and that is no more than I currently have on my plate. The effort now must be directed into making sure the time I spend at a screen isn’t wasted, is better organised and has a tangible result. None of these things are impossible or require any changes in current schedule, except when it comes to the shit in my head. Nothing will ever get better unless I make the changes.
So, this is me up on a Sunday morning, doing just that.