I understand how the Internet works. I realise that this place is not all rainbows and love. Many people use anonymity and HQ graphics for stuff that we don’t talk about with kids in the room, that only happens between consenting adults. That farmyard activity. It is the elephant in the room, trunk metaphor upstanding. However, as a woman, I feel perhaps I get a raw deal in all of this, and that’s precisely why there’s a problem, on oh so many levels. One small blog post cannot do justice to the wealth of issues that are tied to this particular table, so be ready with your safe word, because I don’t intend to offend here, simply slip this into conversation and walk away on my four inch spiked heels.

I get why Pornbots on twitter are female, but where are the male ones?


I made a tweet yesterday which included the word ‘classy’ which, I discovered a while ago is like Pornbot catnip. It means it is time to go through my Twitter Lists again this morning, after I’ve written this, and remove myself from any I don’t remember being told I’ve joined or that include any pictures of ladies lovely mammaries. Don’t get me wrong, these are spectacular breasts, but I don’t want this in my face. If I did, I’d ask for it, and I’d sure as fuck not do it where I work. However, I keep wondering why men don’t sell services like this. I get the basic issues with erectile tissue down below, but there’s some practical considerations to be factored in here. Most women will never be impressed with a Dick DM, and if you want to show you’re classy? Not really the way to go ever, even when in a serious relationship. However, a well honed, muscular chest is a thing of true beauty. You can sell amazing numbers of things with the right six pack. Why are there not male pornbots doing this right now?

Portrait of Man

I don’t even need the ‘angel’ or the ‘sexy kiss’ emojis, I can happily fantasise just with the picture. The reality, of course, is that according to all these experts who write the books on what arouses women and men will smile politely and point out that visual stimulus for a man matters far more than it does for a woman. We like the idea of a relationship with the person we’re pretending to fuck, that somehow it’s more about caring and consideration and not stress relief and let’s stop the bus here, fellas. I hate to break it to you, but I like to wank as much as you do. There, I said it. The fact that an increasing number of women aren’t either afraid to admit this and indeed do just this on a daily basis is not news either. It’s been going on for THOUSANDS OF YEARS or else there wouldn’t be a whole industry around the dildo, Ben-Wa balls and everything else that women use to keep themselves happy.

Oh yeah, we’re supposed to have a man for that, aren’t we? Well, many of us do, and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in thirty years with the same bloke. This desire for male chest on demand is not because I’m lacking anywhere, far from it. What I’d like to understand is why, when the motivation for sexual urges are far more complex than a couple of surveys and the odd BDSM mainstream movie will suggest, women are the ones doing all the selling. Oh right, it’s because it’s a white male world. Gotcha. Except its not, and the Internet (of all places) is where diversity is far more front and centre than you’ll ever find down the local pub or in your community centre. I feel there’s some mileage in trying to investigate further, but there’s always a bit of reticence in doing such research once you know Government’s decided to start logging your internet use in case at 50 I decide to become an extremist.


The future, it seems to me, ought to be whatever you want, whenever you want it, but with the ability to say no. The annoyance of pornbots is the fact I don’t get a say. Ironically, when I want to look at lovely bodies, there remains very few places where ‘ethical’ porn exists, that isn’t about exploitation or money laundering or soft focus and less money shots. This desire is probably why the naked bodies of certain actors have always been an exploitable commodity, and that’s not something that sits particularly well with the mother of two kids in me. It seems impossible to find what must exist as a happy medium, and makes me wonder if the androgyny that is often favoured in youth isn’t a pointer to how this is going to work moving forward. Sexual should always be a choice and never a demand, always personal and never specified, and most importantly cannot be forced on an individual by another. Consent, ultimately is the key, and that’s why the pornbots are removed.

If you want to shove breasts in my face, you need to ask permission first.


Then there will be those of you who’ll want to argue the merits of control and dominance, and that’s when I’ll realise I’ve answered my own question. I know why there’s no male pornbots, there’s just no money in it. If you’re prepared to pay to wank to the image of a stranger, that’s what you’ll pay for regardless. What I’m craving is a choice that already exists, just without a suitable delivery system, and if it mattered enough, I’d go find it anyway, but it doesn’t. Hell, if it really mattered enough I could set up the business, but a woman exploiting men is too much like the Conservative Party right now to be either sexy or worthwhile. For the record, I wouldn’t do that, I’d pay all my lovely six pack guys to lounge on chaise lounges and eat grapes whilst staring into the middle distance whilst Paul Oakenfold mixes played. However, there would be those who’d rightly argue this isn’t porn, but art, and they’d probably have a point. I could go down the V&A and stare at statues instead, and that’s a cheaper setup.

I’m not done with this subject, I’ll warn you now. There’s a lot here to consider, and I realise this is the tip of a very large and pretty deep spreading iceberg.

Leave it with me.

One response to “SexyBack”

  1. […] going forward… but, having said that, I have a few ideas around the topic, like this post on why you never see male pornbots selling women a good time. In more general terms however this proves that I should and will still be talking Warcraft/gaming, […]


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