Obsession really is a mug’s game. I can recount every point in my life where it has gotten the better of me, and how I am less of a person having succumbed. It’s a step away from jealousy too, all anger and petty blindness to anything except the fact that she’s a bitch/he’s a wanker. On a day where spinning fiction into truth is the norm, I feel I should act as counter. There’s a good reason early man was handed a set of Commandments by its storytelling elders, after all: learning to live your life well is the central tenet of pretty much every Religion, essential to keeping your followers happy. It is how not only you guide a person through existence, but means to make sense of the life they have found yourself within. You may not agree the with the concept of an all-powerful being making your planet in a week, but loving thy neighbour, especially in the current climate, holds a fair deal of merit.
The reason why this works is simple: everybody has a nemesis. Fixation is as much a part of modern existence, the warped consequence of having good and bad in the World. Freud will tell you fixation is sexual (well what wasn’t, Sigmund?) but there’s all kinds of obsessive behaviour, and the Internet has those fingerprints all over it. Twitter is terrible for allowing you to decide somebody has got it out for you: never replying when you talk to them, ignoring you help and support, and simply not registering your existence. That ‘notice me Senpai’ thing isn’t just a meme, people, it has a root in some quite complex psychological behaviour. The counter to the devoted is, of course, that person who exploits or warps innocent behaviour for their own ends and enjoyment. That’s the person I used to be before my kids were born, and why I probably find it a lot easier to identify the obsessives in my timeline.
It’s why this morning I’ve decided, with a new month here, to reiterate some truths.
It is impossible to live a perfect life, however superb some people might paint theirs as being. There was a joke, a while back, about people who’d go take pictures of themselves about to go on long runs in obscure places and never do it, just so they could show off on Facebook. I’ve never understood this need to pretend you’re something you’re not, because eventually, like it or not, you’ll get caught. There’s a couple of people who I interact with, for instance, who work very hard to maintain internet personas which are a very long way from what I know is reality. I draw this conclusion because of the number of people who’ve warned me of their obsessive behaviour, or have found themselves in direct conflict with the person because of clashing personalities. I won’t take sides in such debates, and everyone is welcome here. If, however, I feel people are becoming a toxic influence on my personal well-being I will address that, but don’t expect a big, public meltdown if it happens.
If you want that form of entertainment, I’m no longer the woman you’re looking for.
I promise I never lie to you here. My life is amazingly boring and terrifically mundane, the only issues I have are personal, and I’m too old now to sit and let other people wind me up… except this morning, someone did, and I realised that it was time to start putting money where my mouth is. I really am enjoying my journey right now and what I don’t need as distraction is petty jealousy. As a result, here’s the deal. There won’t be any drama of my own making. I’m not going to start fights or block people for the lulz. I can promise a distinct lack of fixation on anything except what I think matters, what is decent and adult and WORDS. LOTS OF WORDS. We’re just going to carry on in the same vein for as long as we can, and enjoy the life we have for what it is.
Time to get cracking.