Fear :: Three

I went and saw my PT this afternoon, before picking my daughter up from school. It will have been a year on Monday since I started training with her, and it has stopped being a professional relationship. We are now friends, and she was unbelievably supportive of what I want to do post-surgery. I almost lost it in the Car Park however, and have begin to grasp that my mental attitude is going to be incredibly important in the next couple of days. I needed to finally confront and reconcile my fear about anaesthetic, because if I don’t it will undermine everything that happens going forward. I worked on that this evening, and I think that I’ve moved on in assuaging my trauma.

I’ll keep working on the positivity over the weekend.

I have my Doctors letter, a notepad and a determination to not stop moving if I can possibly avoid it. I’d like to keep walking right up to surgery, but accept that lifting 60kg may not be ideal, so I’ll leave it to the surgeon to tell me on Monday what counts as acceptable behaviour. Across Saturday and Sunday I have a rough plan to not do too much but to keep eating, to make sure I continue to prepare myself. There’s also work to be done on the Patreon, which I refuse to let slide. However what has to be the biggest issue right now is sleeping well. I’m shattered after waking up at 3 am this morning and simply being unable to get back to sleep because every nightmare scenario all played out at once.

I’m not going to let that happen again.