Fear :: Seven

The appointment with the surgeon was brilliant. He thought my date of birth was wrong, off the bat, and I had to confirm I was 50. I don’t look like a 50 year old. If you wanted to boost my ego, that’s job dun right there, Mr Surgeon Man. After lots of reasoned and considered explanation, I’ll be having a Laparoscopic Cholecystectomy this time next week. I will, in the intervening period, be shoved in an MRI to check there’s nothing unexpected to deal with plus another set of blood tests. As an added bonus, the belly button hernia left over from my second pregnancy will act as entry and get repaired on exit, so it’s a two for one deal I’m more than happy with.

I can go back to exercising right up to the operation, so there’s a PT booked on Friday. I’ll go back to the Gym tomorrow early and do my normal routine, but I’ll also walk to the Hospital today for the bloods, and then off to have lunch and see my trainer to brief her this afternoon. I can effectively exercise all the way up to Monday night, but I won’t go mad. What it does do is allow a semblance of normality in the run up to the procedure. What I could have done without is my mother calling me yesterday to make sure I’d checked the surgery was really necessary. After all, she’s lived with Gallstones all her life without a problem, as did my Nan and Greatnan.

I’ve come to some rather revelatory conclusions as to the damage my parents have done to me over the years. This is neither the time nor place to discuss any of them, and that will wait for another day. Suffice it to say, if two doctors independently of any personal input, without prompting, tell me I dodged a major bullet when I passed the last stone, I sure as fuck am not waiting for the next one and then dealing with the problem. That’s no way to live your life, and accepting the ‘yeah, do nothing and just hope’ mindset is so narrow minded and arrogant that it defies belief. We have established to live a proper life you take risks. I know what all of these are now. I’ll fucking cope.

I am no longer going to be controlled by others because they don’t need the stress.

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