Fear :: Twelve

Last night, my husband did more to allay my fears in ten minutes than I’ve managed in four days. It’s amazing, when you really care about someone, how much their words can help make a bad day good or a rough situation so much smoother. However, all this week has been like that: people popping up in my mentions, sliding into my DM’s in a purely platonic fashion, realising that the girl who thinks too much needs to be rationalised. As I say to my husband, when it all comes down to the wire, if you provide me with tea, cake and emotional support, I really don’t need anything else to function.

Sleep however really has helped, I won’t lie. Nine hours last night, waking only when my body got desperate to pee, sleeping through my normal 5.30am wakeup because I know, today and tomorrow, nobody needs me to be responsible. The clarity of the dreams too is odd, I saw everything as if it were VR, wrapped around my brain with a projected oddness. Colours were overly bright, as if I’d had to turn up gamma, and I can remember a Yellow Cab turn in virtual New York that had the g force accompaniment, pushing me back into the seat.

I dream about New York a lot, I always have. I know that’s because I wish I lived there.

Today, so far, has been no stress at all: don’t have to worry about anyone or anything, don’t need to be anywhere, and my husband is outside in the garden playing guitar as an accompaniment. Frankly, this is exactly what is needed. I think I might even go play some vidya gaems in a bit…