New York Minute

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This time last year, family were waiting at Heathrow to cross the Atlantic.

How much has changed since that point, I realise, looking back to ten days in the Big Apple. In some ways it is seismic: staring at my body, grasping how far things have shifted. However, undoubtedly the bigger change has been mentally. I’m very grateful for the support I’ve gotten since last year, through some quite difficult periods of time. Today is a bit of a struggle, but with that is the understanding that before, I would simply have ignored the problem and hoped it went away. Now, I know what has to be dealt with, and so am doing just that.

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That means, before I take a mini break to visit family in the South West next week, there are some things that need to be said and jobs that have to be completed… I’ve also grasped that what I do as a ‘normal’ day’s work during term time won’t be nearly as easy during the Summer Break because you know, I forgot to factor kids into the equation. The stupidity of this, albeit staggering, is a wakeup call to the selfish days of my youth when that’s what would happen as the default, and I’m ashamed enough to now admit that in public. Now I have, it is a case of playing catch up whilst maintaining momentum. I have a list to complete, a car to take for repairs, a doctors visit and my daughter to drop off at her grandparents for a few days. Breaking things down to Post it notes worth of effort might seem a bit basic for starters, but it is working.

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The biggest problem, most of the time, is managing expectations. It is often hard for me to express my own problems without a lot of thought and effort. Yesterday, for instance, an issue that’s been bubbling for weeks finally got expressed, and I wasn’t expecting the manner in which it happened. That means I can often be my own worst enemy when it comes to being organised. I doubt that part of my personality will ever change either, so planning needs to either compensate or be flexible as a result. Today, for instance, anxiety is really high because I missed a cycling session yesterday, have a lot of responsibilities for other people to deal with, and am behind on what was planned. Throw on top of that a rubbish night’s sleep and really, honestly, the potential for disaster is considerable.

Again, there is one sure fire way to deal with all of this and that’s to stop talking and get working. Let’s do that right now.

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