Still Alive


Yesterday, I stopped caring about something that used to matter to me rather a lot. This morning, when I woke up and realised that was the case, there wasn’t any real feeling about it either, just an acceptance that this is the right way to react. I’m sure there’s probably some inspiring stuff I could stick in here about growth and acceptance but it would all be a bit hollow. My daughter would undoubtedly consider it something that was largely pointless and was only being said to try and create some kind of inspirational speech about ‘moving forward’ and she’s absolutely right.

Sometimes, there is no need to mark progress, except to know that it happened. [*]


There are also some people right now I don’t want to be involved with, but unfortunately I have no choice in the matter. This is an unwanted consequence of professional progress and will only continue to get worse as time goes on. It might be an idea therefore to deal with it in the most adult manner possible: don’t upset anybody’s feelings, try your best to just be polite, and move forward. I don’t know whether it is a shortening ability to be patient or heightened sensitivity to my environment but stuff is creeping me out far more than usual. By stuff, I mostly mean people. When you know you don’t like someone nearly as much as they appear to like you online, what do you do?


This is the moment when ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all’ taps me on the shoulder and reminds that even if there is a difference of opinion, you don’t need to say it. It is becoming abundantly apparent that some people can’t grasp subtlety, and have no desire to. They hold no real comprehension of grey, the subtle shading that I’ve relied on for decades. You are either right or wrong and never the twain shall meet. Trying to explain to these narrow-minded, blinkered individuals has become a waste of time, and I have better things to do now than point out shortcomings to those individuals who won’t listen to begin with.

It used to matter a lot to me, and now it doesn’t.

If I want to get all this new, exciting stuff done, arse needs to be far more geared than currently is the case. You people can carry on without me.

There’s a path here I need to start running without you.

[*] Irony grasped. Stop staring.