Tomorrow it is December, of a year that seemed insurmountable this time last year… except here I am, a world away from where I started. It is traditional at these junctures to look back and forward, review what came before and anticipate the future. I’m really only interested in living the now as it stands, because if anything has become apparent this year it is the fragile nature of my existence, of our precarious relationship with nature and each other. Being here, now, is what matters most.
Once that can be done without fear or consequence, then we might consider a longer term view.
This week has been full of lightbulbs, moments of comprehension that move forward things that before I could not shift. It isn’t perfect, and there are still obstacles to overcome, but this is like a completely different world for me. I’m only now beginning to understand the complexity involved in making myself cope with what is here, and being able to do so, day in and day out is the biggest takeaway from the last 12 months. I function infinitely better as a human being. I can express myself in a fashion that did not exist this time last year. Most importantly of all… I’ve stopped being angry at everything.
Now only certain things grasp my ire. Everybody else is off the hook.
When I’m done here, I’m going to wrap myself up warm and walk to the Gym, lift some heavy stuff, run a bit and then come home. After that I’m gonna write a ton of things and schedule others and be ready to enjoy a Festive Season in a way that has not happened for probably close to a decade.
When you finally grasp you’re the problem and not everybody else, life really does get a fuck of a lot easier to cope withn.