Constant Craving

This is never a great time of year to try and lose weight. Last night, I had to make biscuits, and yes, I had to eat one because it won’t kill me. I love my daughter a great deal but right now this is roughly akin to telling an alcoholic to stop complaining and drink that bourbon. All I crave right now is sugar, and all I want to do is eat. This does not contribute to positive mental health, and frankly will only end in tears. Therefore, I’m attempting to introduce mindful eating into the routine: thus far this morning it is meeting with a measure of success.

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Because I know the sugar has to happen, and will via fruit sugar regardless (I eat porridge and pomegranate to satisfy two of my five a day) I put a small amount of honey in my tea for a mid morning snack. I then made myself take time and consideration over drinking, trying to remind brain that the only way all this long term change is truly affected is not by me binging and going backwards. That means I can treat myself to a box of chocolates for Christmas but not eat them all in a couple of sittings. I reduce the experience to two, maybe three chocolates at a time, and savour each one. It stops being just about consumption to make me feel better, and becomes a means by which I slow body and mind down.

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I’ve begun to grasp that there does not need to be more food consumed to have the level of energy required to work harder. The last few days have demonstrated that eating at a level that is sufficient to lose weight also gives me plenty of energy to run and exercise. So, knowing this, it becomes about looking at things and getting out of the ‘oh I’ll just eat and worry about it later’ mentality. Of late sugar has not been the problem, but empty carbs via pasta and bread. Both these things are quite dangerous, it transpires, as is the case with pastry. So many potential Christmas treats I could nosh and pretend its okay because its okay there’s no sugar is not going to work any more. I gotta be hard with myself, but this does not mean I have to stop eating bad stuff.

I just have to be honest over consequences, which has not been the case for a while.

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I can no longer pretend I’m being healthy, when the calories ingested aren’t then balanced with exercise on the other side of the scale. This is the massive change in outlook from previous years. It is the hardest thing to do, on top of more hard stuff, and then it is really easy to grasp why others don’t bother and kill themselves via obesity.

This time, failure will not be an option.