I am aware sometimes my demeanour might seem quite angry and intractable. Neither of those things is true. I am passionate, and principled. Both these things are in short supply in the modern world, and the more that happens around me gives strength to the belief that this is the right path to be travelling. I’ve lost count of the number of individuals who’ll consider this arrogance, or insouciance. It is convenient to try and use those terms as means to start an argument, except to do so requires two people involved.
I’ve stopped taking the bait.
Occasionally you’ll see someone innocently say something that is a window into their true character, the one away from Social media. Nobody’s perfect, after all, we all have our moments of WTF were you thinking by saying that. I now spend more time thinking about what I say in the Real World, far more than was ever the case in my youth. There comes the realisation too that my family had a significant effect on what was considered acceptable behaviour, and their belief that certain mindsets and attitudes were simply wrong and not spoken about is partly why I was a fucking mess for a while. Sorting through the detritus of my past, comes the understanding that nurture can be very damaging if your personality via nature is at odds with the people who birth you.
Evolution creates variance. The constant reproduction of people will highlight issues in one generation that did not exist in another, or when combined with the DNA of a different strand of human being. Every so often there’s a ‘black sheep’ in your family of white, middle class humanity. The troublemaker. The gay kid. The autistic boy or the bisexual girl… it doesn’t matter, these things happen in households where those things are not understood, or frightening. Nature produces a variance and it is up to nurture to deal with the consequences. If you’re lucky, you get a great family who cares and your variance becomes part of a bigger whole. If you aren’t, you’re not on your own, but it is a fucking horrible task to survive. Many people give up.
It shouldn’t be like that, especially when variance could hold the key to Humanity’s future.
The key, of course, is not getting angry. Learning to take bad emotions away and focus only on positive can be the most difficult of asks, too, and when you become passionate it is amazing how many people simply mistake this as anger, because on a basic level they share so many of the same characteristics. It is the subtlety lost on Social media which makes such a task virtually impossible. That then means as an individual, every interaction has the potential to be misinterpreted if the person at the other end of the conversation is unable to judge your sincerity. With friends, people you’ve interacted with over time, it is easier. With total strangers however? You know what’s coming.
If you don’t bother to do the work, you’ll get nothing out of the process.
It is why I cherish so much the people who will come out and state they didn’t like me when we first ‘met’ virtually, but now understand it was worth the effort to become friends. It isn’t just me in these situations: two of you need to work at the process, and if you don’t want to embrace variance, it will never happen. That also means that the two ‘friends’ I have on Facebook are as important as those on Twitter, but I won’t ever start adding any more on a platform that does not embrace anything other than what it considers to be ‘right’ and ‘fair’ across the widest possible spectrum. Keeping ‘everybody’ happy undoubtedly means a set of rules that ignore variance unless it becomes societally acceptable. I do not want to share my life with certain people because of this, and this is never going to change.
I wonder, is that my own intractability causing an issue…?