Last night, something really important happened.
It wasn’t a dream, that much is clear. This wasn’t waking from something frightening or scary. What did happen was mind recognising an explosion: it wasn’t noise or anything that happened outside either. Inside my brain, something shifted. The first thing that came out of my mouth was the f-word. I have never before remembered being awake and understanding a distinctly different feeling from the moment when I went to sleep. All of yesterday both body and brain were, frankly, exhausted. I think my husband grasped this and suggested a family meal out last night, which wasn’t really that great in terms of food. It did, however, get me out of the house.
It meant when returning, I was almost immediately in bed, and the sleep pattern speaks for itself.
Lying awake, it was a massive relief that I could stay in bed and not have to be up early. I was reassured that what I’ve been doing for the last few weeks is the right course of action. Issues have been dealt with and finally, after years of carrying emotional fallout from my past, those issues are no longer a problem. Knowing the shortcomings and coping with the consequences, getting better at planning, believing in my own creativity… all of this is now combining to cause (literally) a seismic change in my brain.
Now what needs to happen is to capitalise on these changes and to use the new enthusiasm and drive they are creating to move to a new place. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be starting that right now… :D