This is Not a Love Song

As we head to the halfway point in the year, I’m behind on some stuff but ahead on others. The back issue is definitely improving, my attempts to clean need a real kick up the arse, but this week should see me exceed the step total for every day (including the rest day.) The only problem, such as it is, comes with there being no cycling for a week. Real life has taken that time away from me, but with this being a Bank Holiday weekend, once I’m done here the shed is open and I’ll stick an hour in on Zwift to start Sunday properly.

My husband, of course, is out doing the real thing: there’s still a concern about my proficiency on roads. However, that will be fixed by the time London to Southend comes around. That’s the race this year that will matter most in terms of real confidence. Everything else can just be winged. I’m already looking forward to a Summer of pushing myself, because the strength thing is really beginning to come into its own. Mind over matter does work. All that ‘you are good enough’ stuff makes sense now.

I just gotta believe it more.

Self-loathing might actually have gotten old. Sure, there’s still days where I don’t think I’m capable, but they are tempered now with an understanding that honestly, it doesn’t matter. I’m doing what’s best for me, and that is enough forward momentum on the bad days to stop them becoming worse. Trusting my gut is the right thing to do. That means doing this, riding a bike, writing some more and then going for a walk, before I come back and clean.

Yeah, it’s as boring as fuck and not nearly glamorous enough for most people, but right now this is perfect for what is required.

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