Here begins a gradual, composed return to full blogging. There’s nothing massively important to write about either: I’ve got some ideas to try when we go back to ‘normal’ hours at the start of September but for now, what matters most is my two poetry contest deadlines for the end of the month. I will admit yesterday there was a full-on ‘why are we bothering there’s no chance of winning either of these’ moment. It isn’t like the Ride London 46 where there’s no victor and simply taking part becomes the achievement… and then I realised this is no different.
The last couple of days has come with a lot of thoughts of failure. It is inevitable, over time, that you dwell on negatives. The trick, of course, is not to allow the blackness a chance to take hold of your soul. It’s an incredibly easy sentence to type and an impossible leap to make when you’re in the dark: watching other people struggle with these demons, as I do via social media, is always heartbreaking. I can try and tell people they’ll find a way, but it’s a lie. The journey’s theirs to make, and only they can find means to escape.
If you decide you can’t be saved, nobody will ever reach you.
That understanding comes from being in the same place, and having escaped. Trying to reach out to people who I might have a connection with only to be ignored or deflected is a depressing task too. Then there are those who keep talking to me but clearly aren’t listening, and they are the creepiest of all. Just because I had a conversation with you once does not mean we’re a friendship. Some days, there’s just too much else going on to try and reason with some people, and that’s when it becomes apparent that reality is the far better pursuit.
This week, anyone who’s not posted for the last six months or longer’s been removed from my follower count. It is clear that Twitter is looking to make metrics more representative of actual numbers using the platform… and then I hear a bunch of people in the US are planning to deactivate their accounts as some kind of protest. Having left Facebook behind at the start of the year, I wish all these people happiness in their social media free existences, and remind them their kids are all on WhatsApp and Snapchat and Instagram not really giving a fuck. If you wanna change the way people use these platforms?
Walking away might not be the answer.