Even with a typo, the latest pamphlet prize work has gone ‘for consideration’. At this point, my reasoning is simple: if it’s good enough, grammar mistakes will not hinder, the credit will be applied regardless. However, after this and a fairly revelatory game-related mind-dump this morning, everything’s a bit dead in the head department. Therefore I will be finishing this, strapping on some trainers and going to beat up a treadmill plus a punchbag, because some days all you want is nothing.

I wonder if that fact registers with some people: it isn’t about keeping constantly active or immersed, stimulating mind and body. The reason why drugs become so attractive to a certain type of person is that there are moments when everything does become too much, and to feel nothing at all is, quite frankly, something you would give anything for. Those days, in the past, were the moments when it became apparent there were mental issues that needed addressing which could not be put down to other things.

That is no longer the case.

Understanding is a long, difficult and very personal journey. It is also impossible to plan for or quantify, it just happens. If you are lucky enough to be able to direct the course, try your utmost not to let other people take your decision making abilities away. It might seem easier and simpler to hand these freedoms over, but it isn’t. Sometimes, there are consequences that even the smartest people don’t see coming.

This is a very exciting time, and the exhaustion will be more than worthwhile long term.

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