I wasn’t going to write today, except I dreamt something REALLY important last night, and it needs sharing.
I was in Dijon, city first visited this Summer, with the England Cricket Team (no idea, but they were playing) and someone who, for quite some time, meant a very great deal to me. Their actions and their attitude in the time we were together was nothing like how I had previously believed our relationship to have played out: it was almost as if they had never really cared to begin with, and I had imagined all of the apparent interest and respect that existed.
Moments that mattered to me were simply this person being themselves, with no idea that I was reacting to it. My mental shortcomings had, over the period we’d spoken at length, completely warped any notion of normal. I woke up at the point where it became abundantly apparent that life was continuing without any indicator the relationship had taken place, and brain had imagined a completely different life from the same set of intractable variables.
Why am I here on a day off to recount this? Mostly, because it’s true.
I’ve been looking at a number of key relationships all wrong. The people who TRULY need thanking are those who genuinely encourage and support. I see them every day, and they’re being acknowledged, one by one this month via Twitter. They were last year too, and the best friends will slowly be gifted their own tailored thanks. However, there are some people who just don’t give back at all.
This is my reminder that friendship goes both ways. There are those for whom you care, but their inability or unwillingness to do so in return is real, and should not be simply accepted as part of the relationship. What matters most right now is those who show their support and understanding, who are there when needed. No agendas and no questions, just support, understanding and respect. That’s the key. Respect what I am.
I have worked hard, and the rewards are beginning to come. If you really are the friend you say you are, step up and be happy and proud for me. Don’t wait for me to chase after you. Arrive early. Be supportive. Prove that the friendship actually matters.
I am no longer running after you.