DAY 15: There is summat contained within Huel that has begun to do very good things in my brain. Having swapped from lunch to breakfast consumption reaps multiple benefits too: I’m more awake, capable, and likely to make the next day’s snack in plenty of time because leaving it in the fridge overnight appreciably improves flavour. Undoubtedly, I’m less hungry too, which is going to provide benefit elsewhere.
As I don’t drink enough to warrant it, Dry January’s never a thing, but the whole sugar free for a month works very well in its stead. I’m pretty much there completely now: no more cake in the house, or sweets. Gonna be making some once February rolls around though. That’s all part of the later plan, which doesn’t need worrying about for a while. For now, brain can be satisfied that on the Sunday before New Year’s Eve, I don’t remember ever feeling this good about myself.
I was up at 8.30am and, on reflection, this was a very good start to the day. There’s a second submission not listed on that PostIt too, concept of which was being played with yesterday. It cost me 15 euros to enter, rationalised like a Lottery Ticket. I have such a small chance of winning, but having spent the same amount of time on making the idea real that was used on the contest-winning entry… there is nothing to lose. That’s the key, of course: never anything to lose, you can’t win if you don’t enter, and the possibilities remain endless.
The key difference between here and before, it is apparent, comes with the notion of ‘winning’ which, although clearly very attractive and all, has ceased to be what matters. More and more, as I read about poets such as W.S Graham who were never properly appreciated until after death… how much of modern published literature will survive the march of time? It doesn’t matter about what people do after I’ve kopped it, they’re not here to enjoy my life. I AM AND NOW I DO.
Now matters most, and it’s fucking brilliant.
These are the things that need to be most worked on starting today. Not tomorrow, because that really is too late. Last night’s epiphany was bi-fold: you can get as angry as you like people don’t seem to care, but it achieves nothing, except to isolate you from the important individual shortcomings that have to change. There has to be trust, and belief. I possess one right now but not the other. Time to strengthen both.
Enjoy your NYE however you choose to celebrate. I’ll be off shortly to give blood, which seems an eminently sensible way to start a year of positive action.