Day 6: So then, last night’s Blaze.
769 calories for the night. I’m not gonna lie: I didn’t do everything I was asked to do. There wasn’t really any slacking per se, however. There are red lines. ACTUAL RED LINES. They didn’t last very long mind, but HEY I don’t really care.
I am getting stronger. It is getting easier.
This may be a part of my life that can be very much improved.
Yesterday I got into a conversation with a random person who seemed quite keen that they deserved a follow back. I’ve been trying to start a conversation with someone for months who lives locally to meet up, and every time a suggestion is sent off, there’s silence. Doing friendship on Social media’s a fucking mug’s game. Some people just drift in and get upset when they don’t understand WTF is going on in your Timeline (because they don’t read your feed except at a certain point in the day) and then others just retweet everything that looks important. Some days, I can’t cope.
That was yesterday. Today is better.
There is an effort to get out of the comfort zones, obviously, and that’s happening now too as well as exercise and MIND EXPANDING WORDS but some days, when it’s just me and me alone in my head, I wish more people understood what that was really like. The ultimate irony of course is that those thoughts have existed here since… well, 2011. Trying to find someone to read them who a) I’m likely to get on with and b) isn’t a stalker ends up as the most ridiculous of asks, because if that happened…
Yesterday, something significant finally registered.
What I’d like now is people who I don’t know to be part of my life. Starting from scratch might be stressful for some, but actually it would be great to find individuals who don’t already know all the emotional baggage from the rest of my life. Maybe then, I get the opportunity to explain everything a bit better than the wibblings from my past. Employing that tactic with the people I have so far has been reasonably productive, too.
Watching other people rave about ‘their internet friends’ can begin to be demoralising, after a time, especially when yours live a long way away and you don’t get to hang out very much. The more thought is applied, the more comes realisation that perhaps the next stage of my life isn’t best organised in this way, but might well be best served looking for inspiration in other places. It is, after all, a very big world ‘out there.’
Maybe I’ve just gotta watch out for the opportunities when they appear.