Eventually, it wears you down. When you’ve spent literally years finding ways not to let depression own and dictate existence, when it is virtually impossible at times to effectively communicate with the people you love, having that kind of negativity and ignorance in your places of work becomes counter-productive. In fact, there have been times in the last week when reality became a virtual mirror of some of the darkest days of my previous life. It is no wonder I consciously removed myself from the issues.
This week, therefore, there will be changes. Other people can be the harbingers of doom. If it makes you happy deciding you are helpless, pointless beings being slowly destroyed by others, feel free to carry on with that. There is little time for the stuff that needs to be done in the first place without being mired within excessive negativity. Existence needs fixing, lives need to be improved, experienced with more passion, less regret. Time to go.
I could have waited until today to affect positive change, but that would have been shit. Instead, yesterday it was off to the Gym to warm up for twenty minutes before I went and stared at a metal bar. On its own this weighs 20kg. Yesterday I doubled that, before it was lifted above my body and down again. I managed five repetitions before it was obvious any more would trap me. To say this is progress is an understatement. Weights on all other machines were also increased in celebration.
Today I have a solid, clear set of objectives both online and in reality to start chipping away at. Half the problem, of course, is not to allow myself to get distracted from the path, and to keep focus. If this stuff matters enough, then it gets done. I’ve already been slightly diverted (cheers Social media) but that is all it is: temporary. Part of the process of pushing myself into positivity is making sure reality is ingested on my terms, and isn’t allowed to overwhelm.
Yes, the world is horrible. A portion of this is beyond my capacity to change, but not all. This is crucial to me: there are means to improve reality which I have direct input towards, and if that’s not being done, then I’m slacking. The assumption of hopelessness is often used as a stick to subjugate and frighten. Once you are able to mentally detach yourself from such control, it effectively becomes meaningless. This is the foundations of true freedom.
The problem, of course, is possessing such ability to begin with, when by rights everyone should be treated with equality and care. Knowledge exists, is freely available. Self-education is a great means by which you can begin the process. Vitally, however, you have to wish to do so. This blog isn’t about telling people how to live, or pushing individuals to alter their own realities. That’s up to you, and not me. Nobody tells you what to do, and never really should.
Those must be the decisions you make for yourself.