Yesterday, I was tested. Asked some big questions, answers were confidently offered, then explored. I know who I am now. Not owned by the past, weighed down by events or expectations. This is not history controlling future or present. There is, however, some work to be done with exposure therapy, but that’s not a problem.
Everything else is in flux.
Normally, such readjustments to the World view would be a source of panic: last week’s initial session caused a lot of event and emotional displacement. This week, that’s minimal, mostly because there’s not the fear of exposure that was initially the case. Anything that has happened before is not the issue. That’s why I’m here in the first place.
Those were the things that made me require maintenance.
It is a unique but hardly unusual set of circumstances that caused schisms in the first place. Not knowing how to react, what was right or wrong, lacking the basic instruction manual for human behaviour. Over all this time, the fundamentals are now finally being grasped. I know how to ask for help, say sorry, when to stop talking. Now, the reverse actions need to take place.
Most importantly of all, a lot of my fictional work has suddenly became redundant.
Many of my narratives were created, I realise, as deeply personal coping mechanisms, in which I would lose myself when stressed. These are no longer required: returning to them is difficult, and in at least one case makes me feel physically unwell at present. That was last week’s revelation; this week’s is that as it stands, I now really don’t want to go back to anything that old again.
So, what happens next?
That’s a really good question…