This morning all the people that were lost along the way are recalled, as if this were the end of a long and difficult battle. The people who I no longer wanted to know, for many reasons, because I could never be to them what they obviously wanted me to be. Those I cared for desperately, whose own lives were so much more important than our friendship. The people who just made me laugh and feel comfortable. You’re missed most of all.
So much has been sacrificed to get here.
Also, I know brains can’t exhale. Don’t @ me.
So, next up presumably is the period where all this just becomes normal and I finally head out into the world and make new friends, based on this change of outlook, and everything either fits or it doesn’t. Having a reasonable number of immediate worries effectively wiped out is also a decent start to the week, all told, so no real concerns in any department is a bonus. So, why am I not sleeping properly?
It’s all the fallout that’s not yet settled, possibilities that now rise as a result of these changes. There’s too much light in the bedroom and not enough ventilation, so that needs to be fixed. I should be doing at least an hour’s vigorous exercise. There are still things to fix. All of these things are undoubtedly true, but none of them can be immediately dealt with.
Instead, time to do what can be done.