It is odd how your brain imagines the world sometimes: I’ve read articles on how we self-sabotage, that normal events are blown out of all proportion to help brains reinforce the sanctity of their world views. Speaking as someone who thought, quite seriously, someone had moved house just so they could avoid instigating a friendship with me, it’s amazing what you’ll believe when view is always faced inward.
Looking outwards changes absolutely everything, I realise now. Not only does everything taste better, or feel more comfortable, but the way other people perceive themselves and the world comes under fresh scrutiny. The scales really do fall from your eyes: suddenly variables shift; all it takes is a slight move from yourself to see same situations from a completely different angle.
Asking other people to restructure their world views is a mugs game in the modern world. Even the suggestion directly that they might be the problem and not the thing being so vociferously complained about will be met with derision, anger and often abuse. I am reminded of the guy who lost all this marbles when we fell out over, of all things, Pink Floyd.
That resulted in a phenomenal amount of abuse, a great measure of it anonymous. You often have no idea how obsessed other people get about you and your life. The creepier it gets, the more the desire grows to just cut these people out for good, because explaining their behaviour is unpleasant for you only makes things worse. It’s why the block works, as a final, decisive means of saying ‘stop it.’
Except, of course, if the person is obsessed enough, it never will.
I have the confidence now to push the people I truly care about to think again about their choices, to chastise myself in public when my own actions are not up to scratch. If I’m gonna spend an hour yesterday justifying my motivation to an anonymous stranger with 100% confidence, summat most definitely has changed. I’m no longer here for drama, that’s for damn sure, and if you’re doing it to attract attention?
Expect me to stop listening pretty damn fast.