Standing in the Rain

This week is not normal, as far as that is ever possible. Wednesday morning, three of us head down to Somerset to cremate a woman whose influence on the community she was a part of is beyond significant. Then, on Thursday we come back and return to normal. Funerals will increasingly become part of my landscape, inescapable function of life itself. As you consider consequences, a lot is placed in proper perspective.

What matters more and more is reliable understanding.

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Two months ago, I couldn’t do a burpee. Brain couldn’t grasp the transition between horizontal and vertical. Lungs weren’t capable of the instantaneous breathing. Mostly, body wouldn’t play, and so it got broken down: slowly, learn each part. Put them together without fear. Repeat them until it became habit. Then add speed and intensity. A simple, easy to grasp, progression of non-pressured, non-judgemental effort.

Too much of life these days is based on the idea that somehow you’re not doing it right. Instagram says this way, Twitter is that way, Facebook is full of people arguing over the details. Why are you using other people as your benchmark when the only person reliably understood is yourself? Is that even true: how much do you grasp of your own motivation? Is what matters to you being taken care of in the first place?

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Effort is what matters most. Forget other people, they’re not you. Focus on what is 100% quantifiable, and if you’re not, there’s a place to start fixing. You don’t need a talking head or a famous author to make you realise what’s wrong, just the ability to be kind and non-judgemental to yourself. I still have a fairly serious sugar addiction. The six pack I’m working on will change the way my body looks forever. Brain needs to grasp the consequences of both.

Standing in a changing room on Saturday, looking at myself in a full length mirror, there was a vital and damning moment of realisation. I’m only doing half a job. Pretending other things don’t matter is a mugs’ game, because they probably are more important than the stuff that’s being addressed. Comfort in myself will never be found when I’m using a crutch for support. Maybe now is the time to finally stand confident and unaided.

Let’s see this week if we can’t alter course just a little bit…