Counselling is done. I’m on my own now: that means being able to trust judgement when it comes to knowing when I’ve made the right call on something. Slowly but surely, adjustments are being made across all parts of existence that make me progressively happier with each choice. Sure, I can’t control everything, but most of it is doable.
For everything else, it is time to hit and hope.
When I look back at the last decade and what has been achieved, it is increasingly about addressing areas where I failed to act as appropriate. This normally involves a judgement call: should there be some kind of admission of defeat? Is it sound to accept your shortcomings in public with a determination to make things better?
It took a while, but now I’m comfortable leaving the past where it is for good.
I’ll tell you what, though, with each passing day I look at those people who caused me grief or with whom I had a less than stellar relationship with leading to this point and realise it wasn’t just my fault. Blame, such as it exists now, remains not just one person’s to shoulder. It makes me even more determined than ever before not to give people the idea that I am anything I am not.
Life isn’t just about blaming other people, or attacking those who don’t agree with you. It isn’t about assuming that the World owes you something, or that you are some kind of self-appointed arbiter for other people’s thoughts and feelings. Friendship is hard graft, requires constant input and is never, EVER just a one way street. If you’re under the impression you’re friends with someone, you need to put in some work.
Also, if you overstep the mark, the first thing you do is apologise. You don’t pretend nothing happened, or say nothing in the vain hope it will all go away. Silence is as much an admission of guilt online than actually standing up and admitting you fucked up. Occasionally though, we all just want a quiet life, and then you just leave because honestly it’s just easier than making more fucking drama.
Why people can’t think before they type is beyond me, but that’s where we are.