Stupid Girl

I was on the radio yesterday. You won’t have heard it, unless you were up at 3.30am. You can listen here (from 2:37 and a bit) for the next month and then I’ve snagged an MP3 of the experience. The other blog will go into it in more detail, but suffice it to say, this was a very unexpected bonus. I thought I’d lucked out getting a mention in my favourite newspaper, but this is a new high water mark.

Every time something like this happens, I’m reminded of a friend who’d always remind me to a) thank everybody and b) don’t be a diva. I’ve met so many people along the way who do neither of these things and realise that my life is better off without those who insist their needs trump everybody else’s. Sure you can look after yourself, and practice self care, but the world does not rotate around you.

The assumption in many places that I still frequent that somehow other people are more worthy or significant because of their relationships with other people is, quite frankly, a toxic environment. Ability, talent and hard work do eventually reward you, but it is a long, hard slog. Rejection is often the way you realise that yes, your work’s not good enough and stuff has to improve. It can also be the means by which others regulate their own spaces to exclude those who they don’t agree with.

Learning to know when you’re being excluded is an important part of process.

One day, when there’s enough air between me and it, we’ll look back on those first few years of finding my feet with fresh eyes. There’s no regret at all over making the move when I did, realising that the future wasn’t where I began my journey. Would I go back there? The chances are less than zero. It has nothing to do with the environment, and the real friends I have from back when things began remain, encouraging me forward.

Those are the positives that matter more in the end.