No, this isn’t an exercise rant, they are now consigned to Saturdays only. Today isn’t a rant at all, if truth be told. It’s just a quiet, inescapable realisation that enough is no longer that. It’s a fight this one, and has been for quite some time, between those who are kind and quite obviously well-meaning, and those people who are fed up with being told that stuff cannot be done.
If you want me to ‘just be me’ then that’s not acceptable as improvement.
Me is inherently lazy, and always has been. Me was scared and frightened for decades and unable to work out the true reasons for that until other people finally got through to me and staged what was a much-needed intervention. Most importantly, me was selfish often beyond belief. All those negative qualities still remain, removed from my main being with a combination of brute force and exercise.
I get the whole ‘you are enough’ mentality and on days when everything that’s been well planned and organised to keep me sane won’t work together or becomes hindrance to the journey, sometimes it helps to be reminded. Beating myself up over a lack of achievement can be done in many ways, and not all of them need to end up as counter-productive. In the end, there’s not enough time to be a dick any more.
Speaking as someone who can still do that, seriously, it’s not worth the effort.
Everybody is special, and unique and beautiful. No really, I’m serious here, and if you end up deciding that everyone is selling snake oil, delusion becomes very real indeed. Not dicking on their lives is really important: if you do, you’d better be really very prepared to defend any position. Being enough is okay when you’re a saint, but if there’s room for improvement? Should that fact be realised or not?
That’s not your choice to make, except so many of us feel it is. 49% of my country keeps trying to dick on the other 51% whilst the majority seems to have totally forgotten that not only does a minority exist, but it deserves a voice too. There are villains in every story, many not as obvious as others. In the midst of all this chaos, it’s hard mentally to keep yourself afloat, and yet now, for the first time in three years, I can cope.
Reinventing yourself on a weekly basis is fucking hard work but here I am, changing my physical appearance whilst beating my mind into shape as we go. The man above’s favourite hobby, apparently, is resurrection. As I don’t get the opportunity to come back from the dead, staying alive is what matters, and doing it well. That means, every single damn day, however tired I am, there has to be some forward momentum.
Today, this is it.
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