I am finally getting somewhere.
Nope, this isn’t an exercise post. That 31 minutes of yellow zone effort was, as it happens, really not too hard to maintain. This demonstrates that there’s fitness that exists to do so, but that’s not nearly as important as the mental fortitude required to detach brain from worry and fear. None of this really matters one iota to anybody except me. I will appreciate encouragement and be grateful for support 24/7… but in the end…
There’s nobody to compete with but myself.
Yesterday was important for many reasons, but the most significant one was a surprise. A lot of people have taught me things over the years: in later life it’s become apparent that the quality of that teaching doesn’t just come from the person and their words. I am part of this equation. You can learn everything about a topic but you’ll never truly understand the subtleties until properly acknowledging how it makes you feel.
Today, I’m asking myself what I want from a number of things going forward.
Over the last year I’ve let go of some things no longer required, people who have become toxic, physical items with no personal association. As the baggage around me becomes lighter, there’s fewer excuses to hide behind. It’s pointless to try and control those things you have no direct influence over, simply concentrate on those things that you can and so that’s the plan, going forward. Solid change, in important places.
If you asked me what I want right now, there is surprisingly little that springs to mind. I’m still failing at domestic duties, which will be sorted once NaNo work is done for the day. There’s nothing material I truly yearn for, and now I’m over the hump in diet management for blood count and cholesterol… this is the best place I’ve inhabited mentally for quite some time.
This is a very good place to be.