Today

Today, especially, this is the truth that matters above everything else. I’ve spent a large portion of my life either being desperately unhappy, or conforming to someone else’s definition of the word. Now, if I’m honest, neither is true. To find true happiness is to accept the faults and shortcomings of yourself and to learn to fix them. Not paper them over with words, or dull them with distractions.

It is hard, HARD work. It makes you cry, and scream and hate your own existence and there are times when you truly wish you’d never existed. Then, in the quiet moments between chaos and enlightenment comes a realisation that if you are really going to live well, it will never be without pain and loss. Once you truly accept these limitations, everything can and will become possible.

If you’re afraid nobody cares, it’s a lie. If you want something enough, the work has to be done, like it or not. That’s where I am right now, in the midst of reconstruction work which is tearing down large portions of my existence in anticipation of major redevelopment. No, it isn’t all going to happen overnight, but it will be finished. When it does, we’ll tear the stuff down that’s no longer for for purpose in that new context.

You don’t ever fix your life. It needs permanent, thoughtful maintenance.

Never forget this.