The Disappointed

Yesterday was disappointing. It doesn’t help when your hopes and expectations are clearly at a higher level than other people’s but it does explain a lot, on reflection. I am a hard act to impress, even harder to surprise. It requires massive acts of stupidity and ignorance to do that these days, and the Real World holds a fairly intractable stranglehold on such things anyway. Everybody else is clearly obsessed with other things, and that is absolutely fine.

Right now, there is a LOT of virtual competition taking place: my fitness apps are bulging with new challenges: 20 minutes of exercise every day, complete this virtual route, earn X number of virtual points so that a whole group of new people you don’t know can decide you’re trying far too hard to impress. My health club is running a challenge: 500 MEPS from Friday to Sunday. I was proud to have racked up 269 thus far.

The guy winning right now has managed over 3500 MEPs ^^

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I keep having to remind myself that success is relative, except of course this is a BIG FAT LIE. Numbers are everything especially when you’re playing on an electronic field. Taking part, for people like me, is the more significant takeaway: there will never be the need to truly excel in sports, because that’s not the reason any of this happens in the first place. It’s all about personal attainment, and perhaps encouraging other people to do the same.

Watching the serial overachievers is the reminder, were it needed, that satisfaction doesn’t happen when exhausted. The exercise is part of a complex, well-managed routine. If I can earn an achievement badge by participating, or make some money for a charity in the process, then I’m absolutely gonna go the extra mile (see REDJanuary) but this is not something to focus on.

Words are where the real passion lies.

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I have better ways to feel satisfied, that achievement is not only occurring but exceeding expectations. Happiness doesn’t come with other people’s opinions either, but through the relationship with my content: true to my ideas, reflecting an increasing ability, planning and scheduling ahead without concerns of what happens next. It is working, far better than I could possibly have imagined, in part thanks to a physical stability that’s been missing for some time.

Riding and exercising is giving me a focus away from words, allowing stresses to be dealt with more easily, and not dragging down the ability to create. It’s a balancing act that’s taken some years to perfect too: there’s still work to do, but right now, this is pretty solid progress. Without a lot of real life distractions that would have normally derailed, I am one of those people beginning to grasp that their time is now.

I have the potential to establish something significant.