This is Emotion

Yesterday started so well, and then I noticed an absolute schoolgirl glaring error, followed closely by a domestic flash point… and then it all went horribly wrong. With the best will in the World it is impossible to predict everything, but you can learn to read properly before committing to something. None of this really matters, not in the bigger scheme, and I may yet throw myself into the project I was going to, depending on how the next couple of days shake out.

In fact, today is going to be the benchmark for a lot of things: if that pile of stuff to complete on my left is achievable, then we might have some traction for next week. It will all depend on my ability to buckle down and do the work, which has been a bit of an issue on previous days when I’ve been in such situations. However, the ‘Grief Project’ as I chose to name it has been completed, far beyond my level of satisfaction.

It won’t change anything, but is a positive move forward.

hardlife

Therefore, that’s the goal: by 9pm tonight, everything’s needs to be ready to go for next week, which is the most significant career one for some time. I remember sitting at the start of the whole lockdown thing, wondering what might transpire as a result of all this, and I’d not even begun to grasp the potential that lay ahead of me. All that training to cope with stress and to carry on whilst traumatised… how lucky I am.

Honestly, it never crossed my mind that the weight of my past might have granted a hidden advantage at this point in proceedings. As that revelation continues to establish itself in my subconscious, it’s time to capitalise and improve, because that’s what all this is. Absolutely massive amounts of personal growth, based on the understanding I know what’s happening around me is intractable, so it is time to establish myself around it.

Let’s get started.